I wrote this awhile ago. I'm posting it today because I fucking feel like it.

I get so tired of repeating the same motions over and over again.

When I was all crazy with my use and abuse, it seemed like I kept doing the exact same thing over and over again while expecting different results.

It's the definition of insanity.

Well, I was in another situation that seemed to mirror my using stage. I guess what I mean is that I just kept hoping that something would work out and go my way if I was patient enough.

I've pretty much run aground with the idea that waiting will get me what I want. Unfortunately this isn't true, while waiting is good... hell, patience in general is great.... but sometimes it is possible to out wait yourself only to your demise.

At this point in my life, I am done waiting. I am done hearing stupid excuses and circular logic used to avoid answering questions directly. Don't get me wrong, I understand the purpose of vague answers... they mean you can change your answer later and never really have to commit to any one stance.

It's really not all that complex, or even close to difficult to figure out what is going on when it occurs.

I guess the deal is that it just makes me super mad when someone that I throw everything up on the table for with regard to trust, wants to just talk in circles when I ask them direct questions.

It makes me mad because the first thing that I assume is that this person is doing something they feel ashamed of behind my back.

Now here is the real kicker. It doesn't actually matter what's going on behind the scenes, feeling this way repeatedly is more than enough to ruin a relationship/friendship and burn me out altogether.

Burnt to the point where I just won't come back...


-link

Labels: bitch killa, jackassery, stupid fuckers, thoughts