I guess it is what it is...
...and what it is... is frustrating...
I guess we don't always get to control how our interactions with our friends and family go, nor do we get to control the interactions with our co-workers.
I'm OK with that, really, but I do have to admit that it was a bit rough finding out the results of my "mid-year performance review" on my current team from the boss of my "new team" or rather the team that I am preparing to migrate over to.
One thing that I am thankful for is that my new manager definitely seems to be a straight shooter when it comes to discussing work, possible areas of improvement, disappointments, etc.
I've really only spoken with him twice so far, but he has given me no reason to think anything else in that he seems to be very consistent in how he delivers information and also with how he speaks. I have a feeling I will learn quite a bit from him which I'm very excited about.
I guess everything related to this move to the new team, which is basically the "future" of my career, is great. I have no worries, I'm not upset, in fact I'm very happy about the opportunity to narrow my focus to one subject (the Active Directory) as opposed to trying to pick up a little AD here, Outlook there, Exchange Server when I'm done with that and then let's talk about mailbox structure next, and how about we step right into Internet Mail Transport if there is any more room on our plate... and that's just this meal... wait until we get to dessert!!
But seriously, the team I am currently on deals with messaging at a very large corporation. Messaging is "defined" as really anything that interfaces with email or the mailbox on the Exchange server (there are some "bolt-on" services such as Unified Communications/Unified Messaging which involves integration of a user's desk-phone with their Exchange mailbox (something that was traditionally managed via a PBX system and a Voicemail server before this feature set came out)....
...as you can see, I have barely scratched the surface of what "messaging" actually is and I'm fast approaching the "reasonable limit" of what one person can be expected to learn, repeat, get better at, improve upon, become an expert at, etc...
So the narrowing of my "focus" will be great.
What I'm not super happy about are some of the other things that have happened since I started this job, most of which are just bottom-line my fault for not being a better communicator, or allowing myself to get super anxious and have random attacks of insomnia... but really, how do you control something like that? I guess I'm learning...
I suppose some of it is about growing up, and becoming a more mature adult.... but some of the events that I am experiencing are new to me... this is the first time that I have experienced them... and while I know I would be a fool to think or say that by the age of 21 I should have experienced almost every feeling on some level, and that anything past 21 is really just an expansion or iteration of something I've already been through... if that were the case then why live past 21 right? Life would be pretty boring... so I suppose that really becoming a more mature individual also encompasses the idea of, or actually the ability to run into new experiences and not let them "cripple" you emotionally or have a devastating effect/outcome on the remainder of your life....
I also suppose that really when it comes down to it, I do have a serious issue with pro-actively communicating with the people around me about things that are either coming up or ongoing in my life. I mean, not everything really needs to be put out on the table... this I know, but when it has an effect on my peers or my manager, then it definitely makes sense for me to say something... write something... basically do something to ensure that everyone else is prepared... and that's what I'm not doing.
I don't really think that I've ever been an "expert" communicator, but I do feel that I was at least a little better at it... so I started thinking about how this happened... how I slowly started turning into a recluse, and really trying to pinpoint when I made the change from someone who felt that being organized and prepared was the best way to approach life to someone who feels that they don't really need to "prepare" for anything, and that however I decide to leave things is how I organize them (a total cop out)... and that I should just be able to handle anything that comes at me without preparation, and that the outcome of any event when I take this approach is the "real" outcome rather than the "tampered with" or "cheated to win" outcome that comes from actually taking time to prepare...
What a fucking joke... talk about the ultimate justification for a procrastinator to continue procrastinating... talk about the ultimate setup for failure at life...
Man... fuck this noise. It's not "time for a change" or anything simple like that... it's "time for a fucking carpet bombing and leveling of this horrible 'idea-town' which I call my current outlook and approach to life..."
Time for a metaphorical trip to the 'mental-slaughterhouse' where this 'lazy pig' brain of mine is going to get the bacon cut off of it and then have the piss beat out of it on the way to becoming a nice collection of pork-chops.
-link
Source
I guess we don't always get to control how our interactions with our friends and family go, nor do we get to control the interactions with our co-workers.
I'm OK with that, really, but I do have to admit that it was a bit rough finding out the results of my "mid-year performance review" on my current team from the boss of my "new team" or rather the team that I am preparing to migrate over to.
One thing that I am thankful for is that my new manager definitely seems to be a straight shooter when it comes to discussing work, possible areas of improvement, disappointments, etc.
I've really only spoken with him twice so far, but he has given me no reason to think anything else in that he seems to be very consistent in how he delivers information and also with how he speaks. I have a feeling I will learn quite a bit from him which I'm very excited about.
I guess everything related to this move to the new team, which is basically the "future" of my career, is great. I have no worries, I'm not upset, in fact I'm very happy about the opportunity to narrow my focus to one subject (the Active Directory) as opposed to trying to pick up a little AD here, Outlook there, Exchange Server when I'm done with that and then let's talk about mailbox structure next, and how about we step right into Internet Mail Transport if there is any more room on our plate... and that's just this meal... wait until we get to dessert!!
But seriously, the team I am currently on deals with messaging at a very large corporation. Messaging is "defined" as really anything that interfaces with email or the mailbox on the Exchange server (there are some "bolt-on" services such as Unified Communications/Unified Messaging which involves integration of a user's desk-phone with their Exchange mailbox (something that was traditionally managed via a PBX system and a Voicemail server before this feature set came out)....
...as you can see, I have barely scratched the surface of what "messaging" actually is and I'm fast approaching the "reasonable limit" of what one person can be expected to learn, repeat, get better at, improve upon, become an expert at, etc...
So the narrowing of my "focus" will be great.
What I'm not super happy about are some of the other things that have happened since I started this job, most of which are just bottom-line my fault for not being a better communicator, or allowing myself to get super anxious and have random attacks of insomnia... but really, how do you control something like that? I guess I'm learning...
I suppose some of it is about growing up, and becoming a more mature adult.... but some of the events that I am experiencing are new to me... this is the first time that I have experienced them... and while I know I would be a fool to think or say that by the age of 21 I should have experienced almost every feeling on some level, and that anything past 21 is really just an expansion or iteration of something I've already been through... if that were the case then why live past 21 right? Life would be pretty boring... so I suppose that really becoming a more mature individual also encompasses the idea of, or actually the ability to run into new experiences and not let them "cripple" you emotionally or have a devastating effect/outcome on the remainder of your life....
I also suppose that really when it comes down to it, I do have a serious issue with pro-actively communicating with the people around me about things that are either coming up or ongoing in my life. I mean, not everything really needs to be put out on the table... this I know, but when it has an effect on my peers or my manager, then it definitely makes sense for me to say something... write something... basically do something to ensure that everyone else is prepared... and that's what I'm not doing.
I don't really think that I've ever been an "expert" communicator, but I do feel that I was at least a little better at it... so I started thinking about how this happened... how I slowly started turning into a recluse, and really trying to pinpoint when I made the change from someone who felt that being organized and prepared was the best way to approach life to someone who feels that they don't really need to "prepare" for anything, and that however I decide to leave things is how I organize them (a total cop out)... and that I should just be able to handle anything that comes at me without preparation, and that the outcome of any event when I take this approach is the "real" outcome rather than the "tampered with" or "cheated to win" outcome that comes from actually taking time to prepare...
What a fucking joke... talk about the ultimate justification for a procrastinator to continue procrastinating... talk about the ultimate setup for failure at life...
Man... fuck this noise. It's not "time for a change" or anything simple like that... it's "time for a fucking carpet bombing and leveling of this horrible 'idea-town' which I call my current outlook and approach to life..."
Time for a metaphorical trip to the 'mental-slaughterhouse' where this 'lazy pig' brain of mine is going to get the bacon cut off of it and then have the piss beat out of it on the way to becoming a nice collection of pork-chops.
-link
Labels: a day in the life of, adventures in redmond, changes, thoughts
posted by link at Friday, December 12, 2008
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