The best opinions in town!! | Puget Sound Washington

Quack, quack, quack bitches!

So, there are a pair of ducks that come by the building that I spend 40+ hours a week in (I think some people call it work...), and they are pretty amusing I thought.

They like to get really close to me while I'm smoking, and probably pray for me to throw food to them...

Anyhow, in keeping with the theme of these two crazy ducks, I thought I would share these photos that I took of them... walking away from me... heh... What it made me think about though, is how these birds seem to be very loyal to one another in the mating/breeding sense... basically, what I thought was, that the ducks choose a partner and stay with them...

I was completely wrong about that... check out this excerpt from the Wikipedia article linked as the source for this post:

Mallards form pairs only until the female lays eggs, at which time she is left by the male. The clutch is 8–13 eggs, which are incubated for 27–28 days to hatching with 50–60 days to fledgling. The ducklings are precocial, and can swim and feed themselves on insects as soon as they hatch, although they stay near the female for protection. Young ducklings are not naturally waterproof and rely on the mother to provide waterproofing. Mallards also have rates of male-male sexual activity that are unusually high for birds. In some cases, as many as 19% of pairs in a Mallard population are male-male homosexual.

When they pair off with mating partners, often one or several drakes will end up "left out". This group will sometimes target an isolated female duck — chasing, pestering and pecking at her until she weakens (a phenomenon referred to by researchers as rape flight), at which point each male will take turns copulating with the female. Male Mallards will also occasionally chase other males in the same way. (In one documented case, a male Mallard copulated with another male he was chasing after it had been killed when it flew into a glass window.

Wow, what in the fuck? So according to this information, it is possible for a mallard duck to be one or all of these things:

Needless to say, I was really fucking surprised.

Most of the eNemesis audience will probably tell me to get the fuck lost for this one... but like I said before, if you don't like it, go fuck your self, you trick nasty ho!!!

I now present to you... "Ducks" by link:

I know, I know... with sick photography skills like this.. it won't be long before "sexy" has been brought back in full effect!

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Labels: animals, funny shit, thoughts

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Have any dirty slug pictures? Wanna buy some?

That's right, I'm talking about Slug Pr0n here!!

So here is how it went down. I stepped out front to have a smoke after dinner and one of the cats came out with me. Well "Cole" the cat noticed something hanging from the newly painted siding, but I couldn't tell what it was in the dark.

I tried to light it up with my phone LCD screen back-light, but upon shining just a tiny bit of light on the weird object, it began to move and almost looked like it changed shape a bit. This caused me to have two thoughts at almost the same time, literally the makings of a train wreck in my head.

The first thought, "shit, I need a real flashlight to figure out what's going on here" and the second thought "I don't want my arm any closer to this fucking thing until I know what it is." It's funny to think now that I was scared because I thought maybe a small rodent or very large insect decided to post up on the side of the house.

I run inside to get the mag-lite, my roommate Mink and our friend Frank. We go outside with the flashlight, and we are met face to face with two slugs literally creating a flower-like egg sac (spooge pile).

Check these pictures out of slugs bumping uglies (you can click on each image to see the full size version, be warned though... the images are each 2048 x 1536 and are over 1MB each):

This is how they looked at first, notice the egg sac hanging from the intertwined slugs (I'm guessing this is similar to a money shot for humans):

Our screwing duo from a different angle and a bit further away:

Here we show the long "snot rocket" holding the slugs to the siding of the house:

...and obviously here we show that slugs aren't that much different than humans (notice the male trying to leave the scene after the business is done, that's right trick, no cuddling):

The same scene from above:

So, what we didn't show here is that right after this, the acting male (you will find out why I said that in a second) attempts to leave the scene and the acting female climbs back up the "snot rocket" ladder to go find somewhere to deposit the egg sac.

Apparently the egg sac will contain around 30 eggs which may or may not graduate into actual living offspring. I read up on them via Wikipedia, I love Wikipedia and I don't really give a fuck if the information is completely accurate or not.

From the "Slug" Wikipedia article:

"Slugs are hermaphrodites, having both female and male reproductive organs. Once a slug has located a mate they encircle each other and sperm is exchanged through their protruding genitalia. A few days later around 30 eggs are laid into a hole in the ground or under the cover of objects such as fallen logs."

So I guess what's really weird that you can't quite see in the pictures is that the egg sac actually looked like a flower for a bit and then kind of like a mushroom with the wavy cap edges. I seriously wish that my "seed" looked like a flower exploding when it came out.... that would be a selling point in itself!!

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Labels: adventures in everett, animals, use and abuse

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Maybe you can explain to me....

...what in the hell this is all about?:

Or maybe why these damn things seem to breed like rabbits...?:

Anyhow, if you find out... please let me know ASAP... this one is really driving the madness out of my head.. and I'm not a big fan of being back in reality any longer then I have to be...

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Labels: adventures in bothell, animals, ass clowns, bitch killa, business is business

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Nothing says "I love you" like a kitty head

I've heard of abusive boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends/wives, but this guy takes the cake.

This guy was obviously very, very upset with how the relationship ended. Whether his ex cut the tie because he was naturally a misplaced funny farm patient or she was a raging psychopath that caused him to be a freaking lunatic, it doesn't matter.

The fact is, nothing says "I love you" like a kitty head.

Labels: animals, bitch killa, current events

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Beaver Seen in NYC

I don't know why it's such a big deal that NYC found a beaver. I was always under the impression that you can find beaver on any street corner there. It'll cost you, but it's there for the taking.

Oh wait... wrong beaver...

Labels: animals

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Now that's funny....

A quick update...

This morning I awoke to my roommates cat taking a shit on me. Fucking awesome

I need to find a new job that starts as close to February 5th or after as possible (If you have any jobs you want me to know about, you can email me here: link@enemesis.org)

That's it for now...

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Labels: animals, jobs

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Pets can be pretty damn funny

So for those of you not "in the know" I am now living with Mink and his wife in their house. Things are going well and I really don't have anything negative to say, so that's totally awesome!

Living in this house there are of course the three humans (mentioned above) as well as three animals. We have:

Gus the dog (male)
Cole the cat (male)
Tigger the cat (female)

It has become completely obvious that the cats love me mainly because I pet them and allow them to hang out in my room on occasion (they are then able to hide out in peace from Gus the dog). I swear these animals provide an endless supply of entertainment through crazy actions, re-actions and habits. Here are a couple from recent history:

Mink's family was visiting, and with them came the family dog. Gus of course ate this up because he finally had a playmate. The cats however decided to camp out in the master bedroom and act terrified that there was another dog in the house (this dog is the size of a large rat) and opted not to leave said master bedroom.

Well this was all fine and dandy until Cole had to go "number two" and really didn't want to make t he trek across the house to the cat box in the garage (at this point all I have to say is at least this cat did what he did, where he did), so he promptly jumped up on the bathroom sink and proceeded to shit in the sink.

Now there are arguably many places which anyone could consider to be "much worse" should they have fallen into this poor cat's mental "view finder" of an appropriate spot to expel one's fecal matter, but nevertheless, it's not as though the cat was trapped in the room. Shitting in the sink should be and was in fact considered a very bold move on the part of Cole the cat.

So that was just a fun and sexy time for everyone.

Next we have Tigger with a much more Hallmark/Kodak moment which I was fortunate enough to capture in a binary cluster on my smart phone (I took some digital pictures on my mobile phone). Here they are:

So basically Tigger was chasing my mouse cursor around the screen in the pictures above. I thought it was pretty funny since normally this cat doesn't really play much, is terrified of Gus the dog, and generally makes herself very scarce around the house.

So here's to you and your fifteen minutes of fame Tigger, may each coming minute be double the pleasure and happiness of the minute just passing.

Hell yeah, did you read that shit? I could totally write for Jack Handy on SNL.

Now here are some pictures of Gus (purely for your viewing pleasure):