So, for those of you who have tried to use Chantix to quit smoking, you can probably relate...

Everyone I've talked to about this so far has had a similar experience involving a series of really fucked up, very weird dreams.

So, this is the last crazy dream that I remember... after this I stopped taking Chantix and continued smoking:

We were all driving around in downtown Seattle, me and two of my co-workers (the weird part here is that I haven't actually spent time with any of my co-workers outside of work). My lead was driving the car, I was sitting in shotgun, and my good friend from high school (who I also work with) was sitting in back.

My lead pulls up to the curb, and my buddy in back gets out to go into a store. He leaves the car door open while he's doing whatever he needed to do, and in his absence, two street walkers (I think) hop in the back.

They start getting all excited that they have found a couple of guys who work in Redmond, and start making comments like "oh this is so cool, we want to party with you guys!"

My lead and I look at each other and respond with "get the fuck out!!" to these two hookers. They refuse, and then it gets weird...

We attempt to "push" them out of the car, to which they respond by rolling back with their legs spread and their sloppy boxes just BAM right in our faces... I'm not sure where the logic went, but basically we continued trying to push them out by their legs, but our hands kept slipping... basically into their genital area.

All I remember is being really scared about touching them there, like I was going to catch something should my hand "fall" into their nasty, chewed up looking beavers... I also remember feeling distraught, because now these leech ass bitches were in the car, and thwarting our efforts to remove them with their fucking vagina's!

Metaphor for something else going on in my life? Perhaps. Disgusting and crazy? Definitely.

It ended with my buddy coming back to the car, yelling at them, getting in the backseat, and us taking off while they fell out the side door (thanks to some crazy driving on the part of my lead).

Fucking A... you want a nice hallucination while you are sleeping? Take some Chantix.


-link

Labels: adventures in seattle, ass clowns, funny shit

...some ugly ass people and some hot ass people. I found some interesting pictures on some MSN site about what people were wearing to the Grammy's... and I just have to say a few things about a few people...


First of all, Kanye... Can I ask what in the fuck you were thinking here? You aren't Al Pacino, you aren't Scarface, and last I heard you weren't a fag... no damn excuses here:

Wow, it's Courtney Love..... and can I just start by telling you that I'm less than impressed or excited by the fact that, one, this trick is still alive, and two, she still gets invited to Hollywood events, and three, THAT PEOPLE STILL ACTUALLY WASTE FILM ON THIS HAG!!! Courtney, go home and stay there... even if your house catches fire, do not ever leave it again:

This is ummm... Bootsy Collins? How about you get the fuck lost with your Zebra looking attire... you definitely look like the weakest of the herd:

Oh look, it's Jennifer Love-Hewitt. What a fine piece of ass! I think on my list of "pieces of ass" she definitely get's a 9.5 if not a 10 (If you don't agree, I don't really fucking care). I'm not sure what the deal is about JLH, but I think part of it has to do with the "natural look" she sticks with. There is something less and less appealing about plastic:

...and there you have it folks... Hollywood at it's worst and... somewhat best.

-link

Labels: ass clowns, current events, fresh to death, stupid fuckers, thoughts

I came across this story on ars technica, after someone threw it up on digg. I have to say it made me sad... but at the same time, I could see it coming a mile down the road:

AT&T willing to spy for NSA, MPAA, and RIAA

An excerpt from the article, which sounds right on the money:

The first step for AT&T is coming up with a technological solution that works: something that can effectively filter out illicit traffic while protecting its users' privacy. That's a tall—if not impossible—order. YouTube hasn't managed to do it even for video yet, and that's when customers are sending them entire files which they can scan at their leisure. Monitoring all the files sent through BitTorrent—which splits them into tiny pieces—could be even more difficult; doing it in real-time sounds both expensive and impossible.

Let me her what you think about this either via comments or direct emails.


-link

Labels: ass clowns, business is business, jackassery, technology

...what in the hell this is all about?:


Or maybe why these damn things seem to breed like rabbits...?:

Anyhow, if you find out... please let me know ASAP... this one is really driving the madness out of my head.. and I'm not a big fan of being back in reality any longer then I have to be...

-link

Labels: adventures in bothell, animals, ass clowns, bitch killa, business is business

I'm not sure how many of our readers were following the story about Michael Schreck... in fact I would probably say as few as possible...

I guess I'm saying that mainly because I had no idea who this stupid prick is/was... whatever...
The point is, that after you click the "Source" link below and ready the Seattle Times story about this guy losing consciousness, and then opting to roll under a log and leaves and just chill out for a bit....

What a fucking loser...


-link

Labels: adventures in redmond, ass clowns, bitch killa, stupid fuckers

So this morning, the fucking new coffee girl at work handed me someone else's coffee... which I proceeded to doctor up by adding an obscene amount of half and half cream to.

All of the sudden, this lady taps me on the shoulder and says "umm, I think that's MY coffee..." As I read the sharpie ink on the side of the iced beverage cup... it became all too apparent that she was correct, the fucking new barista handed me the wrong coffee. She didn't call it out... and to make matters worse, it looked just like my daily request when it came off of the line.

Ok, no big deal right? Everyone makes mistakes, and surely I wasn't the only one to blame here. Wrong. The other customer was pretty upset about it, and decided that while she chose to wait for her replacement coffee, she would stare at the back of my head until it exploded or something (which didn't happen).

Anyhow, here is how I should have handled this...

HER: "umm, I think that's MY coffee..."

ME: (thinking to myself... wondering why I keep hearing a dog bark in the building... the slowly realizing that this troll is talking to me for real, and that I'm not staring in Lord of the Rings or something like that) "why are you talking to me?"

HER: "well.. umm... because you have MY coffee in your hand."

ME: "ok trick, obviously you aren't smart enough to pick up on the real issue at hand here... the fact that you are a fucking ugly troll that would scare this coffee right out of the cup, and you should really be more careful with where you point that god forsaken weapon (her face) before someone ends up suing you, or worse, decides to fix it for you by punching you in the fucking neck... any other shitty questions hobgoblin?

Oh and let me also elaborate on this issue of 'property' that you have raised, I own anything and everything that I can and desire to place my hands upon trick. That means this coffee, and the next one that I am going to knock out of your hands and onto the floor for even mentioning to me that you had a wish or a care. Like I give a fuck...."

HER: "oh my god!!! I can't believe you said that to me!!! What is your name, I am going to report your conduct to my manager!!!???!"

ME: "did you forget? I'm the boss of you, fucking shitty bitch. Now drop and don't stand back up until I leave the room, I don't want to cry on the inside anymore then I have to today from seeing your buck wild, trick nasty face. Oh, and this replacement coffee you have now, let me show you how you should drink it (knock coffee on the floor), see... dogs lap shit up off of the floor, and you being a dog, should follow suit."

I must say, it feels great just to even type this shit out... very therapeutic...


-link

Labels: adventures in bothell, ass clowns, bitch killa, fresh to death, jackassery, stupid fuckers

Check out the source link below, and you can get a glimpse of the extent that cops go to in Federal Way to clean up detritus in the high schools...


-link

Labels: ass clowns, current events, stupid fuckers

My friend IM'd me this link earlier (thanks Oshie!) and I about laughed my ass off.

Check out the source link below...


-link

Labels: ass clowns, bitch killa, stupid fuckers

After reading and replying to our newest author (SquiSh) who posted about bogus tickets, I felt like I needed to provide a follow up to my own bogus ticket blog I posted back in September. If you want the full story on the absolute crap this was, you can read it here.

Anyway, I finally had my court date to contest this ticket. Just as I suspected, the municipal court would not throw out the case, even though the cop lied about how fast I was going and he never even had me sign the ticket. Tell me, if I didn't sign the ticket, what proof is there that it was even me in the car?

My lawyer informed me ahead of time that the municipal court doesn't care about right or wrong, they just want revenue. That's exactly what happened.

My fine was reduced by $70 and the ticket was deferred, so now I have to "behave" for 6 months, and if I accomplish that, the ticket will be dropped. I guess that's not all bad, but the fact is I still have to pay $100 on a bogus ticket.

It's complete crap though, my clean driving record of 8 years should show that I'm a safe driver.

Another example of jackassery, brought to you by the Bothell Municipal Court.

Labels: adventures in bothell, ass clowns, jackassery

Normally, when I hear the term "High Maintenance Bitch", I think of a self-serving, gold-digging, advantage taking woman or other-than-heterosexual man.

Not this time!

Now, "High Maintenance Bitch" is the name of a store in Wallingford, WA (this is in the Seattle area) who's targeted audience is pampered female dogs and sells products such as "Gel-ous Bitch Bath Gel" and "Street Walker Paw Cleanser".

In my opinion, this is a great idea! Brilliant, actually.

Of course, the laws of physics must always apply. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction".

While the store owners, customers, and people like me think this is a great idea, there is always some stupid liberal who gets a bunch of sand in their vagina and throws a tantrum.

That sand-filled-vagina liberal goes by the name of Janet Stillman, Executive Director of the Wallingford Neighborhood Office. Quick sidebar question, a neighborhood needs an office? What the hell? Hey, my living room needs a political party too. Maybe I should run for office.

Anyway, I just wanted to get this out there. Janet Stillman, are you so stupid and ignorant that you somehow have been so disconnected from reality, that you have forgotten or refused to recall, that the true definition of "bitch" is "female dog"?!

Just once, I'd like to see a liberal come up with a solution, not just a problem.

Stillman said "the sign could wreck family photographs of the Wallingford Kiddie Parade", "having to explain to your 5-year old why there is a sign that says 'bitch' on it". Hey, I got an idea, tell them the truth: the definition, the different uses, and if they ever say it in a derogitory manner, you will stick a bar of soap, or better yet, "Gel-ous Bitch Bath Gel", in their mouth.

Personally, I think I'd make the trip down to Seattle so I could have a family photo taken with that sign in the background. That would be a great conversation starter when that pic is framed and posted in the living room!

P.S. For our international readers who might not be familiar with the American terminology of the word "Bitch", you can see the definition by clicking here.

Labels: ass clowns, bitch killa, dog, high maintenence

You can stick this $101 ticket where the sun don't shine....

So I get pulled over day before yesterday... in the slow lane...doing 58 mph on I-5 south on my way to work. Cop gives me the typical line "Know why I pulled you over?" and for the first time in my life, I honestly said "nope". He tells me he noticed I wasnt wearing my seatbelt and now apparently you can get a seatbelt violation as a "primary offense" (meaning you dont have to be caught doing anything else). So I'm like "wow, I didn't know that I needed babysitting as a 28 year old, but thanks for coming to my rescue. Apparently doing under the speed limit in the slow lane and not tailgating translates into me obviously needing rescuing from myself on the off chance that I run off the road into something and need my seatbelt." Ok, so thats what I was thinking, but seriously, how effing lame is it to get a seatbelt violation when you're actually doing everything you're supposed to be doing as a driver?

Just needed to get that off my chest before my Percocet kicks in.....ahhhh.....the sweet relief.....



See the link for the a-hole that sealed the deal on the seatbelt law...

Labels: ass clowns, click it or ticket, state patrol