...and what it is... is frustrating...

I guess we don't always get to control how our interactions with our friends and family go, nor do we get to control the interactions with our co-workers.

I'm OK with that, really, but I do have to admit that it was a bit rough finding out the results of my "mid-year performance review" on my current team from the boss of my "new team" or rather the team that I am preparing to migrate over to.

One thing that I am thankful for is that my new manager definitely seems to be a straight shooter when it comes to discussing work, possible areas of improvement, disappointments, etc.

I've really only spoken with him twice so far, but he has given me no reason to think anything else in that he seems to be very consistent in how he delivers information and also with how he speaks. I have a feeling I will learn quite a bit from him which I'm very excited about.

I guess everything related to this move to the new team, which is basically the "future" of my career, is great. I have no worries, I'm not upset, in fact I'm very happy about the opportunity to narrow my focus to one subject (the Active Directory) as opposed to trying to pick up a little AD here, Outlook there, Exchange Server when I'm done with that and then let's talk about mailbox structure next, and how about we step right into Internet Mail Transport if there is any more room on our plate... and that's just this meal... wait until we get to dessert!!

But seriously, the team I am currently on deals with messaging at a very large corporation. Messaging is "defined" as really anything that interfaces with email or the mailbox on the Exchange server (there are some "bolt-on" services such as Unified Communications/Unified Messaging which involves integration of a user's desk-phone with their Exchange mailbox (something that was traditionally managed via a PBX system and a Voicemail server before this feature set came out)....

...as you can see, I have barely scratched the surface of what "messaging" actually is and I'm fast approaching the "reasonable limit" of what one person can be expected to learn, repeat, get better at, improve upon, become an expert at, etc...

So the narrowing of my "focus" will be great.

What I'm not super happy about are some of the other things that have happened since I started this job, most of which are just bottom-line my fault for not being a better communicator, or allowing myself to get super anxious and have random attacks of insomnia... but really, how do you control something like that? I guess I'm learning...

I suppose some of it is about growing up, and becoming a more mature adult.... but some of the events that I am experiencing are new to me... this is the first time that I have experienced them... and while I know I would be a fool to think or say that by the age of 21 I should have experienced almost every feeling on some level, and that anything past 21 is really just an expansion or iteration of something I've already been through... if that were the case then why live past 21 right? Life would be pretty boring... so I suppose that really becoming a more mature individual also encompasses the idea of, or actually the ability to run into new experiences and not let them "cripple" you emotionally or have a devastating effect/outcome on the remainder of your life....

I also suppose that really when it comes down to it, I do have a serious issue with pro-actively communicating with the people around me about things that are either coming up or ongoing in my life. I mean, not everything really needs to be put out on the table... this I know, but when it has an effect on my peers or my manager, then it definitely makes sense for me to say something... write something... basically do something to ensure that everyone else is prepared... and that's what I'm not doing.

I don't really think that I've ever been an "expert" communicator, but I do feel that I was at least a little better at it... so I started thinking about how this happened... how I slowly started turning into a recluse, and really trying to pinpoint when I made the change from someone who felt that being organized and prepared was the best way to approach life to someone who feels that they don't really need to "prepare" for anything, and that however I decide to leave things is how I organize them (a total cop out)... and that I should just be able to handle anything that comes at me without preparation, and that the outcome of any event when I take this approach is the "real" outcome rather than the "tampered with" or "cheated to win" outcome that comes from actually taking time to prepare...

What a fucking joke... talk about the ultimate justification for a procrastinator to continue procrastinating... talk about the ultimate setup for failure at life...

Man... fuck this noise. It's not "time for a change" or anything simple like that... it's "time for a fucking carpet bombing and leveling of this horrible 'idea-town' which I call my current outlook and approach to life..."

Time for a metaphorical trip to the 'mental-slaughterhouse' where this 'lazy pig' brain of mine is going to get the bacon cut off of it and then have the piss beat out of it on the way to becoming a nice collection of pork-chops.


-link

Labels: a day in the life of, adventures in redmond, changes, thoughts

Dear Loyal Reader,

I wanted to first start by thanking you personally for being a loyal reader of eNemesis. It's YOUR loyalty that makes this entire project worthwhile.

Now, you might be wondering why I didn't address this by name. I mean after all, if I'm going to go so far as to say that I want to thank you personally, shouldn't this letter be personal? Indeed it should, and I thank you for pointing this out, because it also happens to be the topic of my letter today, which is.... viewer/user feedback!

Let me cut to the chase here. We want to start expanding the website (yes, this website) and feedback from the user community would be the best for helping us decide in which direction to head at the beginning of our expansion phase.

I had some thoughts on developing some interactive web time wasters, or perhaps a more useful web-app that provides it's users with some type of information that is currently not so easy to get. This is where you come in.

Whether your name is Bob, Jack, Janet or something that I just don't know how to spell or say, I believe that you have the talent, experience, education and opinions that we are looking for when it comes to being as creative as possible in telling someone else (us) how to spend our time and money with the very direct and explicit goal of making you happy... or at least more complacent when it comes to deciding which website to waste your time at during the day.

That said, I'm going to go back to learning some PowerShell so that I can continue kicking ass and taking names at work.... (yes, I work for the most bad ass software company in the world, and I don't care what anyone says about them, I like picking up trash for them... I'm lucky to be a janitor!!)

Hah, yeah right... like I would mop up someone else's shit for a living... oh wait... FUCK!!!! *


-link

*(P.S.~ if you didn't get the last joke above, the "oh wait... FUCK!!!!" was a representation of my realization that each and every job anywhere on the face of the planet does and will always involve some form of cleaning up somebody else's bullshit..... in both the figurative and literal senses...)

Labels: changes, technology, thoughts, web development

...that's right... I shaved it off a few days ago. The morning of December 6th actually, and I was going to post something then about it, but I got all upset... I think they call it post-shave stress syndrome.

At first I didn't want to put up any pictures, but then I did on my My Space profile. I'm sure you know how to find it if you are resourceful enough.

Here is the bottom line, I look like a chinless, young, angry child now. What in the fuck....


-link

Labels: changes

...I just caught myself loving my job. I'm not sure what in the fuck that is all about... but it's definitely had some side effects:

• I have no desire whatsoever to do anything other than go home and lie down in anticipation of food and sleeping
• I don't feel the need to blow my money on stupid shit that I really don't need
• I don't long to be in a different state of mind
• I am excited to go to sleep, because I can come back to work when I wake up
• I don't want to go get tossed because I'm afraid it will affect my performance at work tomorrow... I've NEVER been afraid of that... I mean NEVER. I'm the guy who comes into work and everyone plays a guessing game of what I'm on that day...
• I'm absolutely indifferent on what anyone else thinks about this... in fact, I almost didn't say anything about it because I don't want to jinx it... but you know me, I can't keep my pie hole shut to save my life...

I think that's it for now...

-link

Labels: changes, thoughts

...that's right... I love 'em. I love blonde girls. I can't get enough of them, and honestly looking back at my "track record" of dating I don't know why I haven't dated more of them.

...and no, I'm not including the "fake ass blondes" or the weak bitches that like to throw blonde highlights in their obviously jet black hair.

Now, back to the replacement.... hah, that's right... YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT... fucking scoot...

Anyhow, I was on my way home and decided to stop for some coffee at my favorite spot when low and behold, the girl that I mentioned in a previous post (you can look at it by clicking the "source" link at the bottom of the page), was working tonight all by herself. A very rare situation...

So, we had a nice discussion and just as I was about to ask her out, some Dilbert showed up at the other drive through window. So I left... and on my way home, I became overwhelmed with a severe feeling of regret. I thought about turning my car around and going back to the coffee stand to get this girl's number... but I didn't... I just went home.

...where I promptly looked up the phone number for the coffee stand, called her, and got her phone number and her interest in me taking her out on a date in the near future.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis..." I got the number, and a date... and I didn't even have to waste more gas money and/or time to do it.

Eat your heart out...


-link

Labels: adventures in everett, bitch killa, business is business, changes, hot girls, thoughts

I love tool... they are the best mother fucking band ever!!! EVER BITCHES, EVER!!! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?

Anyhow, so I'm listening to some music while I'm finishing up some web projects during my final days at work..... and I started thinking about life and stuff like that...

Then I thought about this hot girl at the local coffee stand that I think I"m going to ask out. Talk about a stick of TNT...

I think the coolest part is that she is into the same type of music that I am, and totally clued me in on the fact that Rage Against the Machine is getting back together for a limited time.

I'm fucking stoked...


-link

Labels: adventures in everett, bitch killa, changes, coffee, rock and roll, thoughts

Cingular... fuck you. I paid my bill, then you shut me off 2 days later for non-pay, and here's where it gets really awesome, you take your online site down for the evening so I can't even pay my bill or review the balance to see why you think I need to be shut off.

Thanks, I will be cancelling my service as soon as I find a wireless company worth porting my number to. Oh yes, I WILL BE TAKING MY NUMBER YOU FAGGOT SHITHEAD COCK LICKERS.

Washington Mutual... fuck you too. I really think it's keen that you decided to stop sending me back my original cancelled checks... and decided to offer a service online where I can view them. Now if you could just actually fucking fix my online account, folks this thing has been broken for over 3 years with no resolution, then that might work out for me. Thanks for signing me up for your new service without asking, and without making sure that I actually have access to the Internet. I hope all of your banks catch fire and you go out of business. I will be closing my accounts very soon and moving over to BECU... because for some god forsaken reason it seems that airplane manufacturers treat their banking customers better than you, a bank, treats theirs... May you die of a perforated colon, caused by getting overly kinky with a homeless transvestite and a rusty metal pipe. Go to hell.


-link

Labels: adventures in everett, bitch killa, business is business, changes, reviews, stupid fuckers

..that's right, I said hunt.. but I probably should have started that word with the letter "c" as this job hunt is nothing but a bleeding sore ready to die.

I've been looking for jobs for around 60 days now... and at the start, I was working with recruiters because I thought for sure they would find me something really quick.

Well they fucked me over, and the majority of them haven't contacted me back.

So.. that makes me feel like I'm just a piece of crap, and that I can't find a reasonable job on my own.

So fuck that noise... I just decided that I'm going to mail bomb every employer in a 50 mile radius from my house, and keep on going from there...

In other news... well who the hell cares, that news isn't about me or this website...


-link

Labels: business is business, changes, jobs, stupid fuckers, thoughts

...they tend to take everyone else down with them.

So, I know this guy... in fact I know him really well. In fact, the job he is working right now he has because I gave it to him.

Ya... I know this guy... and really it's unfortunate. This is really the only person that I know, that everyone else I know... hates. Nobody can stand this guy, and I recently realized that I'm just putting up with his manipulative bullshit for no reason.

He just got himself in some trouble at work, all becuase he was slacking off. Then he had the nerve to try and pull me into it by asking me to appear at a meeting that one of his bosses scheduled, to discuss his lack of work.

As it turns out, I had to meet with one of my recruiters that day, but even if I hadn't... he didn't give me the information I asked him for (in order to help save his ass) and when I wrote him a serious email after the fact, he tried to put it back on me calling it "bullshit" and saying that I should have had that talk with him in person.

Well buds, I've got just one more thing to say to you... "try being less manipulative, and less of a pushy prick, and people might just start having those coversations with you in person. I think what made you mad is that you didn't have the opportunity to try and manipulate me, or persuade me into another line of thought."

It must suck to have your entire family think you are on drugs, want to help you get off of them and then sabotage it and yourself by stopping the process. It must also really suck to have all of your "best friends" in life just cut you off like you are nobody.

Well my friend, the more drugs you do, the more you fuck people over and the more you keep trying to blame everyone else for the aftermath of your actions, the more people will push you away, not care about what happens to you, and let you fail when you need help the most.

Have a nice life... trick...


-link

Labels: adventures in everett, business is business, changes, stupid fuckers, thoughts

Well this sounds as though it could be very interesting, and it's definitely something I haven't tried before.

Tomorrow morning, well actually later today as it is almost two in the morning, I will be going to a session of "Hot Yoga" with two very good friends of mine.

I know a little bit of what to expect at this "Hot Yoga" place, such as women in skimpy clothing, a 106 degree room temperature (yes folks thats in Fahrenheit), and some other stuff that will undoubtedly blow my mind right out of the fucking stratosphere.

I will keep you posted and let you know how things went at "Hot Yoga" later today.


-link

Labels: changes, growth, new years resolution

So I'm sitting here reading the news, watching TV and I just put that post up about the lack of consumer awareness when it comes to the HD television format.

All of the sudden, it was like a rock fell out of the sky and hit me in the head, except it wasn't a rock at all... it was a realization. I just came across about seven other news articles that I want to post, and I thought to myself "damn, why didn't I wait to post that story about HD until I was done reading the news today?"

The important part of that sentence is the "why didn't I wait..." part. I never wait, and I often make these "shotgun" decisions before I have all of the necessary information. That said, I think it would be largely appropriate for me to make "slowing down until I have all of the information" (or at least a larger percentage of it) my resolution for the new year.

It seems fitting that given the field that I work in (Project Management and Analyst work) that this would be an easy change for me to make.

It might even be fun to post regular updates about how well I do under the "new years resolution" label, so that's what I will do.


-link

Labels: changes, growth, new years resolution, thoughts

Well we certainly had some interesting weather right before the Christmas rush this year in the Puget Sound area. On the news they made claims about the storm being something like the worst we had seen in 50 years!

I have to admit that at first I was very skeptical, but after seeing some of the aftermath first hand... hell, I almost feel like we had our own mini "Katrina" up here (I am in no way trying to compare the two, Hurricane Katrina was obviously much worse than our pitiful little storm, so if you had any thoughts about complaining, you can go fuck yourself, if you still want to write an email, please do.... you can find a link to my email address in the menu on the top right under Contact > link) and I can definitely say that there is a ton of cleanup work yet to do.

Check out the following pictures from my mom's property...

Here we just have a random large branch that broke off of the tree above and almost took out the phone and power lines that come in on this corner of the house:



These next two pictures are a pair, the first shows the top of a tree that was forcefully "topped" by the wind and came crashing down through a bunch of Wisteria and an arbor that the plant was growing across:




The rest of these pictures are of the arbor but to the left to show more of the top of the tree that fell and then from a bit further away to give you more of a full picture of the destruction:



So bottom line, lots of chainsaw work in my near future. The really lame part is that the arbor had been there for about 7 years or so, and the vines growing over it were super healthy. Definitely sad to see it go this way....

Labels: changes, puget sound storm, weather

First of all, let me address all of the nay sayers with a nice "shut the fuck up" and now we can proceed with some real creative ultimate power.

I decided to write something about anger, and since my thoughts are so unorganized and without proper grammar and punctuation, I found it easier to call it a poem than to try and work it down into paragraphs.

What form am I using you ask? "Why it's not a stanza, a tonka or even a haiku link, how dare you!!!??" To those people I say shut the fuck up, I am using creative license you trick bitch. Say it again and I'll punch you in the neck, straight up collapsed trachea style.

You can go here to read more about the trachea, and what happens when it collapses in animals. They forgot to list "being punched in the neck by a straight mack daddy pimp named link" as one of the "Possible Causes" so I wouldn't use the page for any type of scientific research, and if you do be smart like me and leave it out of the bibliography. APA, REPRESENT SLACK TRICKS!!

Then when your professor asks you to "validate your so-called, or shall we call them alleged, facts sir...." you can say, "sir, I completely understand your need and desire for proof of concept and that is why I propose we cut to the chase and have a lab session right here and now to demonstrate that being punched in the neck by yours truly is in fact a 'possible cause' (those were air quotes, because air quotes are like the rudest thing you can do to someone when you are just owning on them in an argument) for trachea collapse in a mammal." Then when he gets all shitty on you and says "well I see your point, and I think I will pass on the lab session" you can be all "well that's cool because I nailed your wife on the hood of your vintage sports car in your garage" and then peace out on that stupid trick like a piece of moldy cheese stuck to the toy of a kid's happy meal.

I hope your brat cries for a year on that one lady.


Anger
by... who do you think?

Fuck it, I'm not writing anymore....


-link

Labels: changes, growth, poetry, thoughts

Well, it's been an interesting year for sure... and while it's not over I do think it's close enough to the end of its lifespan that I can talk about it a bit right now.

This year we saw some crazy shit go down:

Yeah right, I'm not going to re-cap that shit... watch CNN on NYE if you want that shit.

What I will say is this, I was able to learn quite a bit this year about relationships and how my actions affect other people. I was also able to learn that it's often better just to bite your tongue and not say what you want in anger than to blurt it out and pay the consequences.

I think more than anything else though, I learned that we all have a safety net in life, but that each time we use that net it loses it's strength a bit. I can tell by the repeated fuckups that I made this year, and how I got to see the sharks swimming in the boiling water below just a little better each time I fell.

On top of that, I think I believe that everything happens for a reason just a bit more as well. It seems that I met and cut off a fair amount of people this year as well, each with their own purpose. Really from these changes I've realized that you don't always know everyone forever like you might want to.

I grew apart from a very good friend of mine, but at the same time I'm happy that I did so because I think our relationship was bordering an unhealthy state.

Another couple of good friends of mine didn't even return my "Merry X-Mas" SMS greeting... another unintended "test" that had the added effect of showing me the true colors of a number of people in my phone book. I guess I'm glad that I don't hang out with them anyhow.

That's it for now...


-link

Labels: changes, christmas, growth, thoughts

Hello Everyone,

I wanted to take some time to warn our viewing community about some changes that have been going on here at eNemesis.org.

The first is that we changed our blogging engine over to the latest beta version of Blogger by Google. It's been rocky so far, for instance yesterday I wasn't able to login in order to post this message, today I was able to without issue.

Second, the Puget Sound was just recently ravaged by a wind/rain storm which has left much of the area without power. We have power at our residence, and internet as you can no doubt tell... but my damn Comcast On-Demand is assing out... I'm getting pissed.

I'm trying to watch KISW's "The Making of the KISW Rock Girl Calendar" and the damn shit is all pixelating and acting like a trick ass ho that needs to get tamed with a stiff backhand to the face and/or karate chop to the neck.

So the first thing I noticed about this video is the locations they did the shoots at, they are all local to Seattle, and I think I've been to more then a few of them.

I think that's it for now....


-link

Labels: changes, comcast, kisw, rock girls