....to get me to post again. Something either really awesome and kick-ass or on the converse... something just utterly shitty.

I suppose as far as "being shitty" goes, this would be on the lighter end as it turns out better than it could have... but, it was still shitty.

So, I guess it's on with the show:

...all of the sudden we were in the car. I wasn't really sure how I got there, especially in the passenger seat with my mom driving. I certainly don't mind riding shotgun with my mom driving (not that I would ever admit if I did), but things felt odd this time for some reason. I suppose it could have to do with the fact that my mom actually lives 1,447 mi – about 23 hours 44 mins away from me now, but who really knows...

Something came onto the radio, and my mom was either upset about what she heard on the radio, or perhaps I made a comment about the commentary which she didn't agree with or like very much. My bad.

She looked down and then off to the left out of the driver's side window, at which point I looked out the front of the car through the windshield and saw that we were heading straight for the end of some kind of pier/dock like structure.

I realize quickly that at our current speed it will be mere seconds before we are IN the water. I yell "mom watch out!!" and try to grab for the wheel so I can turn it hard to the right and hopefully give us a rough, but safe escape from this crazy ass watery grave in front of us.... I was too late. We drove right off of the end of this pier and we hit the water going pretty fast. The impact felt so hard, but with my heart pumping so hard and adrenaline coursing through my veins, all I could do was wait for the water.

What seemed like almost no time later at all, the water was rushing into the car pretty fast. I knew I needed to break the window or we were going to be fucked. I needed to equalize the pressure so we could open the door and get out. I attempt to go into action, but I can barely move. The freezing cold water has completely robbed me of all of my energy and it was all I could do to even lift up my arm. I was stuck.

I looked to my mom. I say "to" because my "plan" was to look at her for some direction on what to do. All I could see was terror in her face. She was so terrified that she had shut down. I felt without control, more helpless than I have ever felt, and like a failure because I couldn't save my mom.

Then I woke up.

Yes, I woke up @ around 4:45 AM PST yesterday (Thursday morning) and my heart was beating so fast because my mind thought the dream was real that I had to go smoke a cig just to calm back down enough to close my eyes and lie still.

What a shitty nightmare... which really wasn't very fresh to death at all....


...and now I want some fucking awesome "welcome back" comments! So fucking get to it!


-link

Labels: adventures in kenmore, fresh to death, thoughts

...some ugly ass people and some hot ass people. I found some interesting pictures on some MSN site about what people were wearing to the Grammy's... and I just have to say a few things about a few people...


First of all, Kanye... Can I ask what in the fuck you were thinking here? You aren't Al Pacino, you aren't Scarface, and last I heard you weren't a fag... no damn excuses here:

Wow, it's Courtney Love..... and can I just start by telling you that I'm less than impressed or excited by the fact that, one, this trick is still alive, and two, she still gets invited to Hollywood events, and three, THAT PEOPLE STILL ACTUALLY WASTE FILM ON THIS HAG!!! Courtney, go home and stay there... even if your house catches fire, do not ever leave it again:

This is ummm... Bootsy Collins? How about you get the fuck lost with your Zebra looking attire... you definitely look like the weakest of the herd:

Oh look, it's Jennifer Love-Hewitt. What a fine piece of ass! I think on my list of "pieces of ass" she definitely get's a 9.5 if not a 10 (If you don't agree, I don't really fucking care). I'm not sure what the deal is about JLH, but I think part of it has to do with the "natural look" she sticks with. There is something less and less appealing about plastic:

...and there you have it folks... Hollywood at it's worst and... somewhat best.

-link

Labels: ass clowns, current events, fresh to death, stupid fuckers, thoughts

So...:

...and I guess I'm just really here to call attention to the size of this girls huge ass knockers. I mean damn... if you look at them in relation to her head, or your head... what in the fuck did she walk by as a child? Was the microwave door broken off at her house? Did she live in Hanford and play in the nuclear waste?

Oh and the title... hah! It should say "the two and only" because I don't know anyone else with real boobs that huge. I bet they are heavy as fuck too! She could cruse a PBR with one of them easily.

But seriously though... aren't those tits fucking huge?

Oh and how about this? "in all my days I have never understood why so many hate me? is it because your men want me? or because your women want me?"

Are you fucking serious with that shit you trick ass nickel bang? I don't know who in the fuck had you thinking that they wanted you, your titties, well yes maybe, but you, hell fucking no. I bet you look like a cow up close, all stanky and broke ass.

Well... I guess that's that...

-link

Labels: fresh to death

...also know as "The Double Fuck" or whatever other colorful analogy you want to create...

If you were to ask me "do you like being right?" as in being correct about an issue, a hunch, a feeling... I would be first in line to say "Yes, I do like being correct. I like the fact that usually when I get a hunch about something, I am correct about it... I would say around 80 - 90% of the time."

The unfortunate truth here is that quite often, being correct about a hunch can also mean that you have to now accept hurt feelings, or the fact that what you were correct about is in the end not such a pleasant thing to be correct about at all. I guess that's the negative side to things... and also the other edge that cuts so quickly.

In the end, I am correct about it, the person totally gave themselves away (yes I'm also fresh to death at chess as well people), and now I am going to act on it. This person had a chance to be honest... in fact I gave them multiple chances... but now that I can read them like a book, they can't really hide shit from me anymore, in fact I don't think they ever could... I just wasn't looking.

This person likes to try and tell bullshit stories about all of the trauma and drama in their life... I find them funny, what's even more humorous is the fact that they are half-way detailed... enough to build a foundation on, but never venturing into the realm of discussion around a solution.

I think that part has more to do with their overall impatience, and more than likely their inability to fully live the lie... something they probably do to "protect" themselves from falling prey to actually believing the lie they just told.

But also lets be practical... who in their right mind wants to sit and listen to suggestions on how to handle the problem when the problem doesn't even exist? It's way easier to just say that you don't want to talk about it... right?

Unfortunately, if you want me to believe your lie, you have to act like it is somewhere close to the realm of truth, and if something is the truth, then you are generally living in "that truth."

All of my fancy intellectualizing aside, I find it more disappointing then anything... I guess mainly because I had some faith that this person wasn't just a lying piece of shit... and also the fact that I defended this person's image and personal integrity to all of my friends who told me that this person was nothing more than a scandalous drama leech.

Way to go link... way to go...


-link

Labels: a day in the life of, bitch killa, business is business, fresh to death

Apparently Jessica Alba is all about having one night stands to "experiment with sex." So I'm guessing she employs the one-nighter when she wants to perfect a technique such as a dismount...

I guess it's no big surprise, in fact I know a few women who I'm sure do this same sort of thing and just don't admit to it...

Now how do you like dem apples? Check the source link below for the Digg post which leads to some scandal rag article I'm almost positive...


-link

Labels: bitch killa, business is business, fresh to death, world news

Every once in a great while, the marketing guru's here in the great and almighty US of A come up with something that really is... well... pure genius.

I found a site that isn't blocked by my work proxy server, and so chances are it probably isn't blocked by your work proxy server either.... (in case you didn't realize, that's also the entire point behind having our '.org' domain name as .org domains are so rarely placed on the deny list for routers and proxy servers in Corporate America. Are we a not for profit and/or non-profit... fuck yes we kind of are... because we sure don't make any fucking money doing this shit..)

Click the source link below to experience aforementioned "pure genius" at its finest...

Then when you are done with those ads, check out this site: Real Ultimate Power


-link

Labels: adventures in bothell, bitch killa, cool shit, fresh to death

So I bought a new razor yesterday, the Gillette Fusion. You can click the source link below if you want to go to their uber-brain wash website where they teach you why their razor is so great that you will think Jesus is a guy on the corner who sells flowers on holidays and window washes every other day of the week.

No shit...

So far I really like it, having used it once...

I found the 5 blades to be super smooth, and the single blade on the back was great for doing tight trims. I was very happy to see that they kept the "wash through" design of the blades in effect. It's nice to be able to run water along the back of the razor and have it push all of the hair out through the front.

This pack also came with a travel case in addition to the normal plastic tray that it sits in. I dig the travel case because I happen to be going to Portland, OR this weekend, but also because every time I travel and throw a bunch of bathroom crap in my toiletry bag, something wet like the soap container, or the razor after it is/was freshly used, causes everything to get wet.

There is just something about getting my razor wet in "unknown water" that creeps me out... I certainly don't want to run it against my face after that...

I think however, that I might want to go get the power version, which I guess they call the "Phantom." I had the M3 Power (green one) and I really liked that, so it makes me wonder what I'm missing by having the normal fusion razor... I'm positive that there has to be some capitalist elite feeling I will get from having a wet razor powered by a battery. I mean fuck, I can't let the Jones' catch up with me... because then I'll have to hand out punches to the neck, and that shit always gets so dirty...

If I find out anything else about the razor that I like/don't like, I'll be sure to let you know...


-link

Labels: adventures in everett, business is business, fresh to death, reviews, technology

You can check out the most updated version of this image by clicking on the source link below, or the miniature map image on the right.


Here are all of the people and their locations, who love this website:

...well actually that's probably not the most truthful statement... some of those people may also love you as well... I just really don't have a way or a care to verify it.

If you click the image above, it should open into a new window and show you a slightly larger version of the same map. The purpose behind that is to rub in even further, the fact that these people probably don't love you as much as they love this website.

Oh yeah also, I'm fucking fresh to death... and so is Jessica, one of my co-workers who is celebrating a birthday today!! I have no idea how old she is today, nor do I care... but I will tell you this much... she has a man, so back of fellas...

-link

Labels: a day in the life of, adventures in bothell, bitch killa, enemesis, fresh to death

Ok, if you are a bacon lover such as myself, then you already know who wins this battle....

The point is this... There are two types of bacon, the great kind which is thick and has more meat then fat, and then there is the shitty kind, which is just super thin (composition of meat to fat ratio is irrelevant with shitty bacon simply because its mere existence is a waste of time, and therefore so would be any further discussion pertaining solely to aforementioned "shitty bacon") and nobody really ever likes it... EVER.

So now to the crux of the issue...

In our little cafeteria/lunchroom or whatever the hell you want to call the comedy of errors that is food service in this building... they have been serving shitty bacon with what seems to be an increased frequency. When I first started working here, which wasn't that long ago, there was good, even great bacon abound!! Now there exists this pile of shitty bacon, that for obvious reasons, remains a very large pile throughout the day and I am guessing is therefore wasted completely at the end of each work day.

I know this didn't happen with the great bacon, because the pan was almost empty numerous times and I found it challenging to procure any of the great bacon for myself. Not so with the shitty bacon, in fact they also use the shitty bacon on the breakfast sandwiches, which I find very troublesome.

So here is the deal... you keep serving your shitty bacon, and we will just keep not eating it. At the rate you are going through it (by throwing it out every night) I wager that you will be back to serving great bacon again in about one more week.

If for some reason the previous statement fails to arrive at present, I will be punching you, and your shitty bacon... you guessed it... right in the fucking neck... but it doesn't stop there. I will also make you eat all of the shitty bacon that you might fully experience the reality which you force all of us to live by serving aforementioned shitty bacon.

Link - 4:20
Let not ye fall to temptation of serving the shitty bacon, lest the lord strike thee down with furious anger over slaughtering such a shitty pig and then attempting to serve it as though the people eating it were shitty as well.

Ok, now for some science.. click the source link below to check out what a scientist at the University of California is proposing for removing Carbon Dioxide from our atmosphere.


-link

Labels: a day in the life of, adventures in bothell, bitch killa, fresh to death, stupid fuckers

So this morning, the fucking new coffee girl at work handed me someone else's coffee... which I proceeded to doctor up by adding an obscene amount of half and half cream to.

All of the sudden, this lady taps me on the shoulder and says "umm, I think that's MY coffee..." As I read the sharpie ink on the side of the iced beverage cup... it became all too apparent that she was correct, the fucking new barista handed me the wrong coffee. She didn't call it out... and to make matters worse, it looked just like my daily request when it came off of the line.

Ok, no big deal right? Everyone makes mistakes, and surely I wasn't the only one to blame here. Wrong. The other customer was pretty upset about it, and decided that while she chose to wait for her replacement coffee, she would stare at the back of my head until it exploded or something (which didn't happen).

Anyhow, here is how I should have handled this...

HER: "umm, I think that's MY coffee..."

ME: (thinking to myself... wondering why I keep hearing a dog bark in the building... the slowly realizing that this troll is talking to me for real, and that I'm not staring in Lord of the Rings or something like that) "why are you talking to me?"

HER: "well.. umm... because you have MY coffee in your hand."

ME: "ok trick, obviously you aren't smart enough to pick up on the real issue at hand here... the fact that you are a fucking ugly troll that would scare this coffee right out of the cup, and you should really be more careful with where you point that god forsaken weapon (her face) before someone ends up suing you, or worse, decides to fix it for you by punching you in the fucking neck... any other shitty questions hobgoblin?

Oh and let me also elaborate on this issue of 'property' that you have raised, I own anything and everything that I can and desire to place my hands upon trick. That means this coffee, and the next one that I am going to knock out of your hands and onto the floor for even mentioning to me that you had a wish or a care. Like I give a fuck...."

HER: "oh my god!!! I can't believe you said that to me!!! What is your name, I am going to report your conduct to my manager!!!???!"

ME: "did you forget? I'm the boss of you, fucking shitty bitch. Now drop and don't stand back up until I leave the room, I don't want to cry on the inside anymore then I have to today from seeing your buck wild, trick nasty face. Oh, and this replacement coffee you have now, let me show you how you should drink it (knock coffee on the floor), see... dogs lap shit up off of the floor, and you being a dog, should follow suit."

I must say, it feels great just to even type this shit out... very therapeutic...


-link

Labels: adventures in bothell, ass clowns, bitch killa, fresh to death, jackassery, stupid fuckers

So.. it's no big surprise to my friend's that I had to go to court again today.... and really, if you are an avid reader, it shouldn't be a big surprise to you either.

I went down to the King County District Court, East Division today, which is located in Redmond, WA (yes, the home of Microsoft). I sat in court for about two and a half hours, and then received a continuance at the end.

Now.. most people would see this as a waste of time, I however call it paying interest on a penalty that I don't ever want to see. The fact of the matter is that I still have a few obligations to take care of before the wonderful Judge reviews my case. Had I been seen today, I probably would not have been very happy with the outcome.

Being seen in the future... offers a better chance at an outcome which I may see as a bit more favorable when it comes to trite matters such as my freedom.

That said, today was a great day, and I think I'll end with this:

Party on Wayne... Party on Garth...

Oh and also... I love my new 8125 which I had to replace due to an "incident" over the weekend. It's pretty much "fresh to death," regardless of what any poser ass mother fuckers want to say. Oh also, I'm thinking about picking up the Aliph Jawbone bluetooth headset to replace my now broken H800. If anyone knows anything about this bad boy, let me know!


-link

Labels: adventures in redmond, bitch killa, business is business, fresh to death, the pain of getting well