I just recently received some very negative and very upsetting bad news... and I really wasn't even sure how to feel about it let alone what I should say about it... I'm still not. I think I might give it a try here anyhow...

My grandfather, someone I am very close to, just recently had to go to the hospital due to walking pneumonia. While there, they drained the fluid from his lungs and found cancerous cells in the fluid. They aren't sure where they are coming from just yet, but this definitely means that he either got cancer again, or it came out of remission in a new or the same spot.

I don't really know if you can "get cancer again" technically. So let me just throw that out there as a disclaimer right now.

I wrote this in a message to a friend, and I wanted to re-post it here only because I feel that it does the situation great justice in the realm of description:

So, that's a sad situation... I'm very close to my grandfather, and really I have nothing but respect and admiration for him. He's taught me nearly everything I know about being a responsible, adult man. Without his guidance I am quite sure that I would have no options available to me in the successful adult world that I am a part of now. Every important choice I make in life involves reflecting back to something he has taught or told me. Nearly everything that I feel pride for in life has an association to him on some level... and for that I am both grateful and scared, only because I really don't know how I'm going to feel about this after he is gone.

Obviously I know that my grandfather is old, and what that inevitably leads to. This upsets me though only because it casts a shadow of doubt upon my belief that people who do great things in life, at any level, are rewarded for them at some point. I just don't see living out your "golden" years like this very "rewarding" at all. I think it's bullshit that he has diabetes also, and has had to lose parts of his body to it. I find it unfair and unjust that he continues taking blow after blow, and that for everything he has put into life, it doesn't seem to be giving him much in return right now. Not much good anyhow.... and to that I say "fuck you."

I feel guilt and sorrow over the lack of attention I have given him over the more recent years, but also find it hard to reverse that pattern due to the way he tends to push it away at times. He does not however, ever forget to ask me about how work is going. He takes an active interest in making sure that I am doing well when it comes to my livelihood. I love my grandfather very much, and I know that it is impossible for me to even comprehend the world he had to grow up in, live in, fight for... I will never know what it's like to fight a monolithic empire like the Nazi's. I have no concept of what federal de-regulation can do to an industry, other than reading about it in a history book. He lived and worked through the de-regulation of transportation in the United States.

For all intents and purposes my grandfather is one of the most practical people I know. If you asked me who I would have to draw a straighter line of process, between my grandfather and Einstein, I would choose my grandfather every time. If you asked me who has influenced me the most in my life, who has provided me with invaluable knowledge about life, and how to succeed at this "game" that we all take far too serious... I would tell you that my grandfather had.

If you look in the dictionary, under the definition for "man" you will find there a picture of my grandfather.

I thank god often when I think about how my grandfather took an active interest and role in my schooling and bringing up, as much as he could in a female dominated family. I thank god that my grandfather was the type of man he was, because I have seen what happens when a man has nothing to look up to. Unfortunately in life I have found that there is often a lack of anything great to look up to while on the opposite side there is no end of objects to gain your focus. Thank you for being my beacon in the dark grandpa, thank you so very much.

To you sir, I extend great thanks and the use of all of my abilities and intellect that you should ever have a need for or want, for without your guidance and love, none of these abilities or intellect would I ever have had the privilege of knowing.... with all of my love eternally...


-link

Labels: growth, thoughts

Man... so I used to hang out with this idiot who we will call "H."

I call him that because it's also his drug of choice oddly enough...

So, I found out today from a reliable source that "H" decided to try and pass some counterfeit $20 bills to three local businesses yesterday. He was actually arrested on the third attempt.

Apparently he has been hanging out with a girl who is "producing" these fake pieces of money. She allegedly gave him two $20's and told him to go buy her a pack of smokes and to break the remaining money into smaller bills with the cashier.

The cashier caught the fake money immediately. "H" somehow talked his way out of getting in trouble and he left the store.

He then tries this again at another 7-11 type store... these guys aren't so nice and they call the cops. He manages to talk his way out of this and then decides to try once more at another store. This time the cops are called again and he is put in jail on a felony charge of attempting to spend counterfeit money.

Amazing... only a fucking crack-head heroin addict would keep trying to spend counterfeit money after failing twice AND already having the cops involved one one of those instances.

I guess really, the saddest part about it is that this will probably be the best thing for him. He needs to get clean and jail will probably be his best, last and only chance to do so....

What a sad state of affairs...

Click on the source link below for a list of Google News items related to idiots attempting to spend counterfeit money... apparently the penalties go up quickly based on the amount of "funny money" that is found in your possession... well duh!!!


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Labels: current events, growth, stupid fuckers, the pain of getting well, thoughts

...and let me tell you why...

BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING INVASION OF MY PRIVACY!!!!

If I want to read your email, and then I choose not to respond because I think your email is shitty, then get over yourself.

You don't need to be all "big brother" and try to spy on me. Oh and I really love the "deletion receipts" too! It's great when I get a notice that says

"ALERT: The sender of this email has such a low self esteem that they need to know if you read their email before you deleted it. Would you like to ruin this miserable prick's day?"

Just so you know, I want to click "yes" every time... I really do. I want to let every single person who does this shit know that they suck. But I don't, because more than wanting to ruin their day controls me, is my urge to deny people like this any forward progress in any domain I see as my own, including my Email Inbox.

That said, the next person who attaches a fucking read receipt to an email they send me is not only going to get the read receipt, but a nice kick in the pants... one suitable for the shittiest of bitches and "small dick" email senders alike.


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Labels: adventures in everett, email, growth, stupid fuckers, thoughts

I was doing some thinking earlier today (because that's my pastime... fuck sports) and I'm stuck wondering what life is going to be like once I start treatment.

That's right, treatment... I unfortunately got into a bit of trouble on Halloween evening and so today I got to go pee in a cup and answer a bunch of questions in the hopes that what this guy decides that I do with my life, is not the same as what he thinks a crack head or someone with a serious drug and/or alcohol problem does with theirs...

But alas... if you know me then you already read the joke. It's in the paragraph above... if you don't know me personally... then let me help you out a bit... it's the part where I elude to the opinion that I don't have a serious problem....

Heh, that might just be the best joke I've heard all week....

Ok door... you are open now, so I need for you to stay open until I walk through the threshold... then please shut yourself and hold me in with all of your might... it's going to be a rough ride...


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Labels: adventures in everett, bitch killa, growth, new years resolution, thoughts

I was thinking today, mostly about how my life is rather uneventful and quiet now that I'm on my own again. During my course of thought, I started wondering if I could remove everything from my life that I had grown tired of or annoyed with.

I decided to start with a list:

• Liars
• Scammers
• People with constant excuses
• People who manipulate all the time
• People who won't just shut the fuck up
• People who send me stupid emails
• People who think it's cute to cause havoc in your life for fun
• Selfish people
• People who wish to place their dick in my ass
• People who think that it's funny to talk shit behind my back but not to my face
• People who break my shit and then lie to me about it
• The spilling of bong water that leads to the ruining of a nightstand
• Animals that would rather shit on me while I am sleeping than wake me up to be let out, or fuck, even just shitting on the floor

OK, that's a long enough list. Maybe later I'll make a list of things that I cherish having in my life, or maybe not... stop trying to fucking control me you ass!!!!!!!!


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Labels: adventures in everett, growth, thoughts

So, I got up @ 7am this morning, went to "Hot Yoga" at 8am and spent 90 minutes sitting in 106 degree heat.

I have to say, I don't know if I actually have another drop of sweat in me. I sweat out so much that I think I may have lost 20 pounds in 90 minutes.

That aside, I guess the really cool part was getting another "hit" of toxins as they left my system. I have to admit I felt pretty lit up just from sitting there and stretching out.

So in conclusion, I am glad that I went this morning and I look forward to going again.


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Labels: growth, new years resolution

Well this sounds as though it could be very interesting, and it's definitely something I haven't tried before.

Tomorrow morning, well actually later today as it is almost two in the morning, I will be going to a session of "Hot Yoga" with two very good friends of mine.

I know a little bit of what to expect at this "Hot Yoga" place, such as women in skimpy clothing, a 106 degree room temperature (yes folks thats in Fahrenheit), and some other stuff that will undoubtedly blow my mind right out of the fucking stratosphere.

I will keep you posted and let you know how things went at "Hot Yoga" later today.


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Labels: changes, growth, new years resolution

So I'm sitting here reading the news, watching TV and I just put that post up about the lack of consumer awareness when it comes to the HD television format.

All of the sudden, it was like a rock fell out of the sky and hit me in the head, except it wasn't a rock at all... it was a realization. I just came across about seven other news articles that I want to post, and I thought to myself "damn, why didn't I wait to post that story about HD until I was done reading the news today?"

The important part of that sentence is the "why didn't I wait..." part. I never wait, and I often make these "shotgun" decisions before I have all of the necessary information. That said, I think it would be largely appropriate for me to make "slowing down until I have all of the information" (or at least a larger percentage of it) my resolution for the new year.

It seems fitting that given the field that I work in (Project Management and Analyst work) that this would be an easy change for me to make.

It might even be fun to post regular updates about how well I do under the "new years resolution" label, so that's what I will do.


-link

Labels: changes, growth, new years resolution, thoughts

First of all, let me address all of the nay sayers with a nice "shut the fuck up" and now we can proceed with some real creative ultimate power.

I decided to write something about anger, and since my thoughts are so unorganized and without proper grammar and punctuation, I found it easier to call it a poem than to try and work it down into paragraphs.

What form am I using you ask? "Why it's not a stanza, a tonka or even a haiku link, how dare you!!!??" To those people I say shut the fuck up, I am using creative license you trick bitch. Say it again and I'll punch you in the neck, straight up collapsed trachea style.

You can go here to read more about the trachea, and what happens when it collapses in animals. They forgot to list "being punched in the neck by a straight mack daddy pimp named link" as one of the "Possible Causes" so I wouldn't use the page for any type of scientific research, and if you do be smart like me and leave it out of the bibliography. APA, REPRESENT SLACK TRICKS!!

Then when your professor asks you to "validate your so-called, or shall we call them alleged, facts sir...." you can say, "sir, I completely understand your need and desire for proof of concept and that is why I propose we cut to the chase and have a lab session right here and now to demonstrate that being punched in the neck by yours truly is in fact a 'possible cause' (those were air quotes, because air quotes are like the rudest thing you can do to someone when you are just owning on them in an argument) for trachea collapse in a mammal." Then when he gets all shitty on you and says "well I see your point, and I think I will pass on the lab session" you can be all "well that's cool because I nailed your wife on the hood of your vintage sports car in your garage" and then peace out on that stupid trick like a piece of moldy cheese stuck to the toy of a kid's happy meal.

I hope your brat cries for a year on that one lady.


Anger
by... who do you think?

Fuck it, I'm not writing anymore....


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Labels: changes, growth, poetry, thoughts

Well, it's been an interesting year for sure... and while it's not over I do think it's close enough to the end of its lifespan that I can talk about it a bit right now.

This year we saw some crazy shit go down:

Yeah right, I'm not going to re-cap that shit... watch CNN on NYE if you want that shit.

What I will say is this, I was able to learn quite a bit this year about relationships and how my actions affect other people. I was also able to learn that it's often better just to bite your tongue and not say what you want in anger than to blurt it out and pay the consequences.

I think more than anything else though, I learned that we all have a safety net in life, but that each time we use that net it loses it's strength a bit. I can tell by the repeated fuckups that I made this year, and how I got to see the sharks swimming in the boiling water below just a little better each time I fell.

On top of that, I think I believe that everything happens for a reason just a bit more as well. It seems that I met and cut off a fair amount of people this year as well, each with their own purpose. Really from these changes I've realized that you don't always know everyone forever like you might want to.

I grew apart from a very good friend of mine, but at the same time I'm happy that I did so because I think our relationship was bordering an unhealthy state.

Another couple of good friends of mine didn't even return my "Merry X-Mas" SMS greeting... another unintended "test" that had the added effect of showing me the true colors of a number of people in my phone book. I guess I'm glad that I don't hang out with them anyhow.

That's it for now...


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Labels: changes, christmas, growth, thoughts