...is what I am feeling right now. I think it's been quite some time since I have felt this kind of horrible, gut-wrenching anger.

My job is hectic. There is quite a bit going on, so I try to have my focus placed on work as much as possible right now.

On the other side of things is my family, doing their best I suppose... with the exception of one person who seems to be going out of her way to be a bitch to everyone.

I will spare you all the details of her childish antics which have more of an effect on my sister and my cousin than anyone. I'll stick to the most recent thing she has pulled which seems to effect only me.

Quite some time ago I lent her a wireless router that I wasn't using, which I thought would be helpful in showering my grandparents house with wifi signal. I could use it when I came over, and so could other family members as they decided to get laptops and such.

Well, this was working great until she went crazy and basically decided to "war" with everyone in the family (another story entirely).

So, about a week ago I guess she decided that she didn't want anyone else using the Internet that she paid for (she lives in the house rent free), and unhooked the router. I went over to my grandparent's house today, and needed to get online and finish up some work before the work week started only to find that the signal was gone.

I confronted her about it, at which point she decided to stand there and lie to me about her reasons for unhooking the router (I guess she forgot where I work, or thinks maybe that I don't understand how computers and networks function). Either way it pissed me off.

This is just one stupid stunt among a stack of many... a stack that I feel needs to have fire set to it, be toppled over, whatever... I guess really it's just one more thing to make me wonder if I'm really related to these people at all, or if they found me on a doorstep somewhere as a newborn.

Fuck...


-link

Labels: adventures in seattle, jackassery, stupid fuckers

For those of you who don't know who Ashley Todd is, you can check out the source link below for some Google news stories about her...

The quick and dirty summary:

Ashley Todd is a McCain supporter and campaign volunteer from Pittsburgh, PA. Apparently she felt that the McCain camp really needed some help with their image, and fabricated a story about an Obama supporter mugging her, and then upon realizing that she was a McCain supporter then beat her and proceeded to "rape her into unconsciousness."

None of this is or was true. She beat mutilated her own face in order to substantiate the claims, and later was found out to be a fraud at which point she was arrested.

This is a picture of what she did to herself:



All I have to say about this trick is "wow, what in the fuck were you thinking you stupid piece of shit?"

I guess what I really wonder is why people get so out of control when it comes to politics? Everyone is up on their soap box talking about "vote for change" and "I promise this..." and "I promise that...."

What I've noticed in the almost 30 years that I've been alive is that NOBODY who runs for office actually does exactly what they say. The United States will continue to run regardless of who is in the oval office, and the people of this country will pretty much do what they want regardless of the laws made or the changes imposed upon us...

I dunno, maybe it's because I live in Washington state (which isn't the end of the earth, but you can sure see it from here...) and we are a bit more removed than other states (taking exception only to Alaska) and we kind of just do what we want here.... I guess really I'm just hopeful that we won't see too much fallout here regardless of who wins this presidential race.

Obviously I know who I'm voting for, and who I want to win... but when it comes down to picking between two people you cannot trust, the lesser of two evils is always the way to go, but also doesn't make me feel like I (or any other individual) has all that much control in how this country is run, we only have control over how we choose to react to how it is run.

-link

Labels: current events, jackassery, stupid fuckers, world news

I always thought it was pretty obvious why even though China has numbers, and I guess it is true that they have more people than the United States has bullets.... that if for some reason the U.S. and China went to war, why they would lose...

We won't talk about how they treat their people, and the fact that "free" people will fight much harder and with more dedication than "captive" people can ever hope to imagine...

We won't talk about how they limit the number of children that each family can have... and how they are all about looks and hiding what's really going on behind the scenes...

What we will talk about is the source link below, which speaks directly to their food/nutrition situation....

An excerpt:

"BEIJING — Nearly 6,000 Chinese babies remain hospitalized with kidney problems resulting from milk powder adulterated with the industrial chemical melamine, the Health Ministry said.

Six of the children were in serious condition, the ministry said in a statement posted on its Web site late Wednesday.

The government has been trying to contain the fallout after baby formula contaminated with melamine was blamed for causing the deaths of four infants and sickening about 54,000 other children in mainland China."

If your kidneys don't work, your body can't be cleaned. Hell, we could drop some crazy nasty bomb on them that attacked their immune systems, and anyone with a kidney weakness could automatically be counted as a statistic before the "device" were dropped. Everyone else will have kidney issues from primary/first exposure, and then second exposure would take care of the rest.

Morbid? Yes. Realistic? You had better damn well believe it.

Go ahead and think about that China, especially around the next time you are thinking about painting your toys with lead-based paint and then sending it over here, or even better the next time one of your disgruntled factory workers wants to shove some dirty pornography into a children's toy packaging...

Fuckers.


-link

Labels: current events, jackassery, stupid fuckers, world news

...and I know that's rare, but I am definitely at a loss for words after watching the source link below...

I was going to embed the movie on this site, but after I discovered that it made me feel nauseous to watch it, I thought better on that point of contention.

That said, click the source link below if you aren't a pussy and let us know what you think. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, eNemesis has been running for years now, and whenever I ask for feedback, I never receive it.

So write some emails, post some comments, get your "eNem" on, trick nasty bitches!!!


-link

Labels: jackassery, thoughts

...errr... something like that...

Now you know why I didn't end up in marketing ....

Check out the source link below for a story that's very "catching" to the "one eyed slackfish"... heh, ok that's horrible, I will quit now...

-link

Labels: current events, funny shit, jackassery, world news

Check out the source link for some comical news...


-link

Labels: current events, funny shit, jackassery, world news

....when you are upset about someone not spending nearly enough time with you lately is to go ahead and not put any effort into mending the relationship at all.

Actually, an even better idea would be to actively tell people that you aren't trying very hard to hang out with this person.

That's exactly how to fix it.

Fix it so fucking good that it could be called a "broken fucking wagon" if people didn't know better. Awesome mend, I hope you go and "fix" some other bullshit now.


-link

Labels: jackassery

Check out the source link below for a good laugh about a contest happening on the Greek island of Zakynthos this past weekend.

From the story:
"ATHENS (Reuters) - Nine British women were facing prostitution charges after being arrested at the weekend for taking part in an oral sex competition in the Greek holiday island of Zakynthos, police said on Monday."

Man, now that's good stuff...


-link

Labels: current events, funny shit, jackassery, stupid fuckers, world news

Yeah... neither do I. But if you find yourself bored, go check out the source link below...

You'll get a great laugh if you hit up the picture section....


-link

Labels: jackassery, stupid fuckers, thoughts

How about loaning your work badge out to people? You like doing that also? Well.... listen and learn tricks...

I used to work with a couple of knuckle heads... one male, one female. I'll make the story short and sweet for you....

The guy tells the girl "hey, I need to use your badge to get into the building, I left mine inside" or something like that...

Girl let's guy borrow badge. Guy proceeds to steal computer equipment from the building he used her badge to get into. He gets caught. He obviously gets fired. Now for the icing....

She is fired also as an accomplice. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Don't loan out your badge. Oh, and when you are on a team and supposed to be doing "team-work".... fucking do it, because Karma is a bitch and never quite comes around the same way you sent it out.


-link

Labels: current events, jackassery, stupid fuckers, thoughts

Check out the source link below... it's a pretty comical story...

I just want to know when the standards for "associating oneself with other criminals" became so low....

....I remember a time when.... just kidding, I'll spare you the 20-miles, uphill both ways, in the snow!!!!! story.... we've all heard it... now read tricks...

-link

Labels: current events, funny shit, jackassery, stupid fuckers

Ok, so right after my last post about acne (of all things....), I decided to take a look at the statistics for the site (we collect stats through a number of means, Google Analytics being one of them...), and I noticed that we have had a massive shift this year in our traffic sources.

When we first started almost all of our readers came to the site directly, either through a favorite/bookmark saved on their machine or typing it in. There were a few websites cool enough to send traffic our way with a link or post on their page, but not many.

Now we have a much larger list of people linking to us, and we also seem to really be doing well in the search engine referral category. Seeing this, I decided to check out some of the search terms/phrases that people were using to get this site in the result list.... and... well... I can't say I was surprised by what I found... which was to be expected I guess.... awww fuck, just check these out and you will see what I'm talking about:

1. photosynth csi
2. cfm boots
3. enemesis
4. flying intertubes
5. scar on tina fey's face
6. batik""
7. top food & drug"" + ""safe harbor""
8. 2001 kisw rock girl calendar
9. authentic crocodile tuxedo
10. best way to clean asshole
11. bittorrent rad
12. butt hole + spic
13. coffee on an empty stomach
14. csi photosynth
15. danny culotti
16. definition enemesis
17. definition of cooze
18. demotivator
19. flying inner tube
20. flying inner tubes
21. g.i. jose family guy
22. ggw ""finally 18""
23. gi jose family guy
24. helicopters buzz everett+march 16, 2007
25. hello and congratulations you have been phone call
26. homo asstoys
27. kisw rock web designer mouse cursor
28. meaning of a pink bandana
29. photosynth csi:
30. pictures of jackasses mating/breeding
31. price is right"" compilation #1 (bouncing boobs
32. running of the nudes
33. tina fey scar face
34. vagina its not a clown car
35. what is the lynnwood washington police frequency

I took the liberty of throwing some bold and red formatting on the key items above... I just want to know what in the fuck is up with 10, 12, 26, 30 and then of course 35. Who in the fuck wants to spy on the Lynnwood PD? I guess it might be nice to know if you are getting pulled over... just in case you couldn't see the fucking lights in your rear view mirror...

Also, I'm sorry, but is there a "best way" to clean an asshole? I've been told that I'm an asshole, and I just take a shower when I need to clean myself... I find that's the "best" way... I guess you could possibly also be dating someone with a "temperamental twat" or something like that... but that's your problem, not this website's.

I just realized that I have another question... is there something special that would make an "ass toy" for "homo use" vs. "non-homo use?" Oh actually I might already know this answer... I heard that the live action "Speedracer" movie is a homo ass toy, AND that it makes you gay. That's what they said on KISW anyhow... If you know the answer to this, please go ahead and email us here. Actually, let us know if you have comments about ANY of the search terms from the list above.

-link

Labels: current events, funny shit, jackassery, thoughts

Man, it has been quite some time since I posted on Enemesis. I figured it was a good time to post when I found something that is trully ironic. And since we like to trash talk a lot of things here, read on for your entertainment.

Just for shits and giggles, I went to Live.com and typed "search".

You'd think that Microsoft would be smart enough to make their own search engine be the first result that came up.

Nope. Google is the 3rd on the list. Yahoo is 4th. AOL is 8th.

Live Search is 66th. MSN Search NEVER comes up (I looked through 10 pages of results before getting bored.

However, if you go to Google and type "search", Live.com is the first result.

Just goes to show that these companies, in their ultimate wisdom, are pure turd-burglers.

Labels: irony, jackassery, Microsoft, stupid fuckers

First this:



..and also this:



...and fuck why not one more for good measure:



I just have one question... who let this shit happen? I know there are some parents to blame somewhere...


-link

Labels: cool shit, jackassery, stupid fuckers, thoughts

on my MySpace profile:

Hah, now how do you like them apples? For the sight challenged, the picture reads "Vagina: It's not a clown car." The best part is that I know for a fact that not everyone "got" that joke.

Kick ass!!!

-link

Labels: jackassery, thoughts

I was going through some old files on my external hard drive when I found an old email from a former co-worker. This former co-worker really was fun to work with and he frequently sent out funny jokes involving images that he "re-captioned."

Honestly, I don't think I've seen any "re-captioning" work meet or beat the work done by this guy. This former co-worker actually used to post on this site with Vincent and I, he was/is known as "withoutinfluence."

I guess overall he posted about two or three times and then pretty much stopped responding to my IM's and emails. That said, I will probably be removing him from the user list here at eNemesis, but in tribute to him... (hahaha, that's so shitty of me, oh fucking well) I am going to post this work of his that I found and while I'm not taking credit for it, I will be using it to my advantage in the sense that more people will view my site because I have awesome funny stolen pictures with text on it...

... I know.. "whatever.." is right...

Oh, and remember: "Only half of these are really from the Wii manual. Which ones are your guess."

Anyhow, on with the show. (The link will open an image directory in a new window)

I would have posted the images on the main page, but there are way too many images and I want to lower my bounce rate a bit by having people actually click to a link below my main page. Apparently I'm fucking myself in a bad way by using this format for a site.

That said... be prepared to see a change soon.


-link

Labels: bitch killa, business is business, cool shit, jackassery, thoughts

So, I was trying to find a setting in Microsoft Access to minimize file settings so I didn't have to do a "compact and repair" option every single day, and I found this menu:

Labels: adventures in redmond, jackassery, Microsoft

Yes it's tragic, it's always tragic when someone dies... especially an officer of the law.

So let me start by saying that I'm not trying to detract from the seriousness of this crime, which was committed in 1966... 41 years ago.

I think the stupid thing here is that the "culprit" has already served time for what he did. He shot a cop, wounded him so bad that he became a paraplegic... who then suffered from some pretty nasty ailments such as "pneumonia, bedsores and recurrent infections."

Definitely shitty, and I'm not trying to make light of it... but perhaps we should dig a bit deeper.

The culprit shot the victim in 1966. That's 41 years ago (in case you didn't catch that before). The culprit served his sentence in prison, and now his life is ruined as well. The best he can do is get a job at a grocery store cleaning floors, bagging, breaking down boxes, etc... He continues to pay for his crime. He is also 71 years old. I don't dispute any of these outcomes, in fact I think that the current situation is a just punishment for this guy.

"Barnes, who served a 10- to 20-year attempted murder sentence, has been living in a halfway house and working at a supermarket."

If that doesn't sound so harsh, let me ask you if you have ever lived in a half-way house? Now let me ask you if you've ever lived in a halfway house at the age of 71? Exactly. Picture your grandparents, in a ghetto house with a bunch of wannabe bad ass mother fuckers who do drugs at any chance they get. THAT is the reality, deal with it.

The victims sister doesn't really agree with my point of view:

"...Rosalyn Harrison, Barclay's (victim) sister, said Barnes (culprit) should serve time for murder."

I thought he just did... oh wait, he served time for attempted murder... not ACTUAL murder. What in the fuck, get over yourself stupid bitch.

It sounds to me like this man is in double jeopardy. I understand the difference in charging someone for attempted murder vs. actual murder... but at some point, you just don't have control over what's going to happen to someone, whether you shot them or not.

Who knows if this guy could have lived any longer with some better care, etc. Where was this sister who cares so much at when her brother had bedsores all over? Sounds like she cares just enough to point the finger on behalf of her late brother... but it's yet to be seen whether or not she cared enough to help improve the quality of his life during this traumatic experience. Where should we gauge her level of responsibility on this issue? Should we scrutinize her role in her late brother's care if she is going to point the finger at someone and attempt to put them away for the remainder of their natural life?

I guess what I am trying to say is this...

How is jailing up a 71 year old man, again, for the same crime but just a different outcome (we didn't know that the injuries would "shorten" the victims life apparently... and I believe that as much as I believe that bums won't use the money I give them to go score a fix) going to make the world a better place?

I mean hey, I'm not saying that she can't run her mouth in public about her brother, that's fine... but the hard and fast issue here is the fact that WE ALL have to pay for this fucker to go back to jail if/when he goes and I don't want to pay for that.

I think he's done being bad, the victim is dead and that fucking means that the goddamn crime/situation/butt hurt, taint licking mother fucking issue is over and done with.

So I leave you with this... I say to the sister:

Go get a fucking life and stop trying to re-live the agony of your brother losing his livelihood. He knew the risk of being a cop, and the culprit in this case didn't go and pull the plug on her brother while he was in the hospital, he died from complications related to the fact that he was a paraplegic. I understand that was caused by the victim, and I also understand that he paid for that with 10 to 20 years of his life.

Unless you are going to put the responsibility of care in the hands of the person who caused the unfortunate incident in the first place, I really don't think it's fair or just to hold that person responsible for what happens during a period of time in which he has no control over the care given, or the outcome of aforementioned "care." I mean what if the victim in this case refused care, would the accused still be responsible for the outcome of care received or not received? How do we handle that one?

Honestly though, it comes down to this: "Let he who is without dog shit on his sneaker take the first step onto the white rug..." I guess we could phrase that in a bit more elegant fashion.

Let's try this: "Let he who is perfect cast the first stone." I'm not going to say "without sin" or any of that bullshit and if you know me, then you also know why.

Let's go through this ladies background and see if she's ever done anything that she should have paid for with some jail time. Let's also see where she was during the dismal final years of her brothers life, was she helping or hindering the effort? Is there a percentage of responsibility that should be hers in that case?

I hate shitty bitches... the end.


-link

Labels: current events, jackassery

I'm not sure why, but I fucking love to listen to some Trick Daddy rap every once in awhile. Right now I happen to be listening to a classic called "www-thug.com" which also happens to link to the official website for Trick Daddy as well (sorry I had to butcher the title, Blogger isn't that great at handling special case hyper links).

Here is the album on Amazon.com.

Let's review some lyrics:


Yes, proper. Here is another favorite of mine from the song:

Labels: jackassery, thoughts

Seriously. I want to sit in on a writing session when these people come up with this.

Elevator

Labels: jackassery

Oh man, you just have to read the sourced story below.... I can just picture the faces of the criminals in the story as they unwrapped the package they stole.

Hah!! I love when buster azz trizicks get their come uppins!


-link

Labels: current events, jackassery, world news

I guess I really shouldn't be admitting that I caught any girl in the act of faking it... but in reality it happens to everyone so fuck it...

It's funny when someone continues faking it after you have called them out on it... like somehow I couldn't tell. Or even better.. the over-exaggerated "follow-up" orgasm after you've called the person out. It's usually followed by some fake embarrassment over how "out of control" and loud they just got.

Ladies, please understand just one thing:

If you continue to lie about your level of satisfaction, the guy won't know that he has to switch it up in order to get you off. You aren't doing anything noble by continuing to lie to your man about what a pimp he is. If he's a real pimp, he'll care enough to switch up his "technique" in order to satisfy you. If not, then he's a fucking loser and his technique is bullshit anyhow.

I think it actually serves you right for lying, regardless of the reason. I also think it's great that some stupid fucking tricks will keep lying about it and end up just lying on their back for a short period of time while their guy uses them for a sperm catch all.

Did that upset some of you? Good, but if you want sympathy go talk to someone who cares about what you think. Now, do you want a fresh one?

Read the source article below to find out how you gave yourself away... or for the guys, how the facts are right there in your face if you want to acknowledge them.


-link

Labels: jackassery, stupid fuckers, thoughts

So I'm sitting here reviewing some metrics for eNemesis via Google Analytics and a commercial comes on for this produce called "extenZe" which if you don't already know, is a penis enlargement "option."

I started wondering just how much of a sham this infomercial was so did a search to see if I could find any trash talk on the net about it.

I ended up finding the site in the "Source" link below. I have to say, I was damn surprised that someone went to the trouble to build this site.

Then the author added a section about what worked for him... Ha, wow.

Now that's nothing but trick nasty De'Rail!


-link

Labels: adventures in everett, jackassery, reviews, thoughts

So today was interesting to say the least. I found out that someone whom I used to hang out with on an almost daily basis, and lately haven't been even talking to let alone hanging out with just overdosed for the second time this year.

During this overdose, this person was actually dead for about half a minute. Apparently the story goes like this:

It's hard when you are trying to get clean. It's worse when you chose an opiate to be your drug rather an an upper of some sort. Uppers always seem easier to kick (METH being a very HUGE exception to that rule).

From what I heard, his relapse started about two or three days ago. It's that same trip that everyone has, it's just that when you are addicted and your brain starts to play games with you.... you generally turn to something that will slow it down or shut it off so that you can get through the day without just going crazy.

It really is an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body.

I guess he was doing really well until he started feeling this way. He called his family and some friends and nobody really had any time for him, or so he felt. He ended up using this as an excuse to use. So today he went to the H man's house and ended up shooting about 50 out of 80 units in his syringe (or so I am told).

Now I'm no doctor, but I'm guessing had he gone and done the entire 80 units (whatever that means) he probably would actually be dead now.

Now back to the story... so I guess he got his fix, and while still sitting in the chair at the dope mans house he began to feel the effects of his overdose. Being a somewhat smart guy, he decides that he needs to leave and seek out medical help.

He walks outside to his car, and upon reaching it he quickly realizes that driving would be a bad idea because he had no doubt that he would crash the car as soon as he blacked out. He looks around and remembers there is a fire station nearby.

He starts walking toward the fire station, now it's a race between his legs and the H in his blood. He barely makes in there, sees a fireman washing the firetruck. The fireman asks him what's wrong, he blurts out that he is overdosing on heroin and that he needs some "narcon" or something like that.

The next thing he remembers is waking up by vomiting all over himself.

Apparently right after he told the fireman what was going on, the H got him. He blacked out and fell flat on his face on the cement. Cut his forehead and busted his lip open. Since he told the firefighter what was going on, they shot him up with "narcon" and then hit him with the defibrillator paddles. No response.

I guess they did everything they could, and just as the fireman gave up and turned around, to pronounce him or whatever they do, the guy I know woke up and threw up all over himself. The firefighter had never seen it before. His heart had stopped and he was officially dead.

Now... just think if you had gone through that today. Makes those shitty problems you have seem a lot less serious, no?


-link

Labels: adventures in everett, jackassery, stupid fuckers, the pain of getting well, thoughts

This guy got nailed for a DUI on his lawnmower....

Hit up the "Source" link below.


-link

Labels: current events, jackassery, world news

It's Derail. You can spell it may ways:

1. De'Rail
2. Dee'Rayle
3. Dee-Raiyle
4. De'Ray'El
5. De'Ray'L

Now that's nice, I like variety.

That's right, don't get run off the track. Trick.


-link

Labels: jackassery

...to be a female.

I mean, I would totally hate the idea of having any part of my body wear out and get all sloppy if I slept around too much.

That's my thought for the day.


-link

Labels: jackassery, thoughts

I wrote this awhile ago. I'm posting it today because I fucking feel like it.

I get so tired of repeating the same motions over and over again.

When I was all crazy with my use and abuse, it seemed like I kept doing the exact same thing over and over again while expecting different results.

It's the definition of insanity.

Well, I was in another situation that seemed to mirror my using stage. I guess what I mean is that I just kept hoping that something would work out and go my way if I was patient enough.

I've pretty much run aground with the idea that waiting will get me what I want. Unfortunately this isn't true, while waiting is good... hell, patience in general is great.... but sometimes it is possible to out wait yourself only to your demise.

At this point in my life, I am done waiting. I am done hearing stupid excuses and circular logic used to avoid answering questions directly. Don't get me wrong, I understand the purpose of vague answers... they mean you can change your answer later and never really have to commit to any one stance.

It's really not all that complex, or even close to difficult to figure out what is going on when it occurs.

I guess the deal is that it just makes me super mad when someone that I throw everything up on the table for with regard to trust, wants to just talk in circles when I ask them direct questions.

It makes me mad because the first thing that I assume is that this person is doing something they feel ashamed of behind my back.

Now here is the real kicker. It doesn't actually matter what's going on behind the scenes, feeling this way repeatedly is more than enough to ruin a relationship/friendship and burn me out altogether.

Burnt to the point where I just won't come back...


-link

Labels: bitch killa, jackassery, stupid fuckers, thoughts

Check the source link below for some unadulterated, ruthless, uncaring pimping on some minors.

I kind of laughed when I read it because I thought about what the person was thinking as they were pulling off the ruse described in the news story. I wouldn't be able to do it with a straight face at all.


-link

Labels: current events, jackassery, world news

A friend of mine here at work (thanks Ingrid!) sent me this, I thought it was pretty damn funny, check out the source link below for a good laugh about a crook who just couldn't get it right...


-link

Labels: current events, jackassery

I came across this story on ars technica, after someone threw it up on digg. I have to say it made me sad... but at the same time, I could see it coming a mile down the road:

AT&T willing to spy for NSA, MPAA, and RIAA

An excerpt from the article, which sounds right on the money:

The first step for AT&T is coming up with a technological solution that works: something that can effectively filter out illicit traffic while protecting its users' privacy. That's a tall—if not impossible—order. YouTube hasn't managed to do it even for video yet, and that's when customers are sending them entire files which they can scan at their leisure. Monitoring all the files sent through BitTorrent—which splits them into tiny pieces—could be even more difficult; doing it in real-time sounds both expensive and impossible.

Let me her what you think about this either via comments or direct emails.


-link

Labels: ass clowns, business is business, jackassery, technology

So this morning, the fucking new coffee girl at work handed me someone else's coffee... which I proceeded to doctor up by adding an obscene amount of half and half cream to.

All of the sudden, this lady taps me on the shoulder and says "umm, I think that's MY coffee..." As I read the sharpie ink on the side of the iced beverage cup... it became all too apparent that she was correct, the fucking new barista handed me the wrong coffee. She didn't call it out... and to make matters worse, it looked just like my daily request when it came off of the line.

Ok, no big deal right? Everyone makes mistakes, and surely I wasn't the only one to blame here. Wrong. The other customer was pretty upset about it, and decided that while she chose to wait for her replacement coffee, she would stare at the back of my head until it exploded or something (which didn't happen).

Anyhow, here is how I should have handled this...

HER: "umm, I think that's MY coffee..."

ME: (thinking to myself... wondering why I keep hearing a dog bark in the building... the slowly realizing that this troll is talking to me for real, and that I'm not staring in Lord of the Rings or something like that) "why are you talking to me?"

HER: "well.. umm... because you have MY coffee in your hand."

ME: "ok trick, obviously you aren't smart enough to pick up on the real issue at hand here... the fact that you are a fucking ugly troll that would scare this coffee right out of the cup, and you should really be more careful with where you point that god forsaken weapon (her face) before someone ends up suing you, or worse, decides to fix it for you by punching you in the fucking neck... any other shitty questions hobgoblin?

Oh and let me also elaborate on this issue of 'property' that you have raised, I own anything and everything that I can and desire to place my hands upon trick. That means this coffee, and the next one that I am going to knock out of your hands and onto the floor for even mentioning to me that you had a wish or a care. Like I give a fuck...."

HER: "oh my god!!! I can't believe you said that to me!!! What is your name, I am going to report your conduct to my manager!!!???!"

ME: "did you forget? I'm the boss of you, fucking shitty bitch. Now drop and don't stand back up until I leave the room, I don't want to cry on the inside anymore then I have to today from seeing your buck wild, trick nasty face. Oh, and this replacement coffee you have now, let me show you how you should drink it (knock coffee on the floor), see... dogs lap shit up off of the floor, and you being a dog, should follow suit."

I must say, it feels great just to even type this shit out... very therapeutic...


-link

Labels: adventures in bothell, ass clowns, bitch killa, fresh to death, jackassery, stupid fuckers

I ran into this site, www.mypetpeeves.com, and was pretty entertained by it.

A couple pet peeves I saw on there that I enjoyed (and personally agree with):

• Women putting make-up on as they are driving
• My cat barfs on my carpet all the time.
• Country music
• Sexual disfunction commercials with everyone smiling all the time
• Parents who can't/won't control their little demon children

And here's a few of mine that I didn't see on the list:

• People on the street corner begging for money when they are obviously fully capable of getting a job
• Seeing those same "bums" walk back to their house that's nicer than most around at the end of the day
• Cashiers who ignore the "SEE ID" note on my debit/credit card when ringing me up.
• Junk mail
• Gum "poppers"
• Women with mustaches
• Meteorolagists - they get paid more than I do, and they are never right. If I was wrong that often, I'd have been fired by now.
• "Reality" TV. That shit doesn't really happen. Ever.
• Adding 50 bajillion labels/categories to your blogger page. Pretty much beats the purpose of having them in the first place.
  

Labels: jackassery

Seriously, what's up with online banking? All the banks have gotten their panties in a bunch and added way too much security on the account.

OK, I get why. You were getting phished like no other. I can understand that, but you seriously overreacted.

For example, my bank now requires the following if I am on my personal computer (only one computer can be authenticated at a time):

1. I go to the website, enter my account # (which is 55378008), and login.
2. It takes me to a secondary page where it asks me to enter my password. I enter my password (which is "fatmaninalittlecoat").
3. Then I'm taken to a 3rd page where it asks me to enter my secondary password. I enter "nancypelosiisarugmuncher".

If I am on another computer such as my laptop or work computer, these are the steps I have to take to see my balance or whatever:

1. I go to the website, enter my account # (which is 55378008), and login.
2. It takes me to a secondary page where it asks me to enter my password. I enter my password (which is "fatmaninalittlecoat").
3. The site then says "you're not on your original computer, please enter your pass phrase". So I enter "howdareyou!!"
4. A new screen pops up saying "would you like to authenticate this computer now?" I click "no".
5. Another screen pops up and asks the security question "are you annoyed yet?" So I enter "yes dammit, all i want to do is check my f&%$ing balance".
6. And that's it, I'm in!

This is such a pain in the ass. I don't understand why they didn't consult me on making their system more secure. I am the definition of someone who can protect their personally identifiable information. Idiots!

Labels: business is business, jackassery, stupid fuckers, technology

I saw this story on Gamespot regarding the Governer of Chihuahua, Mexico orders a seizure of all the new Tom Clancy Ghost Recon game: Advanced Warfighter 2. Why? Because the Governer considers the game an insult not only to the city of Juárez, but to the entire country.

Hm... let's see here, wasn't it about a year or 2 ago that the Mexican government published a document that was a "how-to-smuggle-yourself-in-the-U.S."? We considered that an insult not only to our borders, but our entire country, but did that stop them?

Governer José Reyes Baeza Terrazas, you get the Jackassery Award of the Day!

Labels: jackassery

After reading and replying to our newest author (SquiSh) who posted about bogus tickets, I felt like I needed to provide a follow up to my own bogus ticket blog I posted back in September. If you want the full story on the absolute crap this was, you can read it here.

Anyway, I finally had my court date to contest this ticket. Just as I suspected, the municipal court would not throw out the case, even though the cop lied about how fast I was going and he never even had me sign the ticket. Tell me, if I didn't sign the ticket, what proof is there that it was even me in the car?

My lawyer informed me ahead of time that the municipal court doesn't care about right or wrong, they just want revenue. That's exactly what happened.

My fine was reduced by $70 and the ticket was deferred, so now I have to "behave" for 6 months, and if I accomplish that, the ticket will be dropped. I guess that's not all bad, but the fact is I still have to pay $100 on a bogus ticket.

It's complete crap though, my clean driving record of 8 years should show that I'm a safe driver.

Another example of jackassery, brought to you by the Bothell Municipal Court.

Labels: adventures in bothell, ass clowns, jackassery